Cute Meets Its Match

We just can’t decide which of these dolls we love the most. Local artist Sara Lanzillotta creates the most lovable creatures for wearing and cuddling. Her pins range in size from 2.5-3.5” and come in various species, including skunk, deer and double-headed kitties and rabbits. For something a little more huggable, check out her monster collection, each complete with noisemaker. We really can’t do justice to her entire line here though; so be sure to check out her website. $18 for pins, $65-$75 for monsters, available at Vain, 2018 1st Ave, Seattle, 206441.3441 or devoutdolls.com.

Porn Star Pets

Okay, seriously, we couldn’t make this up if we tried. Featuring the furry and feathered friends of such porn stars as Ron Jeremy, Brittany Andrews, Kim Chambers, Taylor Wane and Dave Pounder, this is one documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11” could never compete with. $19.99, available at pornstarpetsthemovie.com.

Step Away From the Super Glue

You don’t need to be a member of the neo-burlesque movement to enjoy these nipple decorations. Crafted by Sweet Soul Designs in Vancouver, B.C., these scorching hot pasties will provide endless hours of entertainment. $25, available at Damsel Collective, 2222 2nd Ave Ste 100, Seattle, 206.374.8669.

Total Domination

The arts and crafts revolution has been underway for some time now. Seattle and Portland have both been leading the way with events like Rummage and the craft collective Portland Super Crafty. Check out the latter for all kinds of resources and advice for starting your own craft business. The lip balm pictured here is by one of the founding members, artist Susan Beal (a.k.a. susanstars), and comes in cherry and grape flavors. $3, available at pdxsupercrafty.com or susanstars.com.

When TP Just Isn’t Enough

Referred to by some as “mouthwash for your ass” these all-natural Sphincterine butt wipes come in a six pack and smell just like the spearmint stuff you’d swish around before a hot date. Why not give your ass the same courtesy? $6.50, available at shopexit9.com or mintyass.com.

Filthy

These fun and naughty vegan soaps by Sarah Swingset make getting dirty worth it. These soaps are pure vegetable glycerin-based soaps and not tested on animals. They are available in various shapes (small and large vagina, boombox, bicycle and typewriter) and scents (including apple, freesia, grape soda and pear). Pick your favorite and lather up. $2-$4, available at Never Twice, 2127 N Albina #212, Portland, or nevertwice.com.

Know Your Flow

While not as practical for ladies taking the pill, this period chart and sticker book is still fun. Not only can track Aunt Flow’s comings and goings for a full year, but you can do it with stickers! Spiral Bound. 9.5" x 6.5" Also available: Vinnie’s Cramp Kicking Remedies. (I must say though, as a woman, I wonder…who the hell is this Vinnie and what could he possibly know about this shit?) $15.95, available at fly-bird.net.

Chernobyl Barbie

We could have tried to write our own description for this, but their website really said it best: “In the last 60 years, the petrochemical industry has contaminated every living thing on earth. Join Barbie as she reviews elements of her dream house, dissecting and identifying the causes that are affecting every species on earth—reducing sperm counts, disrupting female reproductive cycles, altering sexual behavior, causing birth defects, impairing the development and function of the brain, reducing cognitive ability, causing cancer and compromising immunity.” $12, available at stellamarrs.com.