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Sandra Kaye is one hell of a woman—she’s bold, hilarious, kind and very outgoing. But being transgendered, she also breaks so many stereotypes it’s hard to think of her as anything but a unique individual. Sandra sat down with Tablet and gave us a glimpse inside the life of a transgendered person and shared some of her valuable insights.
Changing one’s gender physically scares and frightens some people, I think because they don’t really understand what’s involved or know anyone who has gone through it. How was the process for you?
Well, so far, it’s been great. I was a crossdresser for 30 years, so I already knew what it felt like to feel feminine. Just being a crossdresser wasn’t enough. I knew my mind and my body were at odds with each other. When I was around five years old, I knew that there was something wrong with my physical gender. I would pray every night that I would be transformed into the correct body and then cry every morning when the transition hadn’t taken place. Coming from a small rural redneck town, I grew to understand that these feelings just weren’t talked about. I grew, aged, married and started a family, but the feelings of my gender condition were never discussed... not with anyone. After my children were old enough and my wife had decided to move on, I discovered the Internet. I found people suffering through the same situation as mine. I found resources and friends to share things with. I accepted my gender dysphoria and discovered there was help out there.
You had your operation in Thailand, why go there?
Once a decision is made to pursue Sexual Reassignment Surgery, it is with the utmost caution that a surgeon is chosen. I found much online information and gleaned tidbits from many resources. My final decision to travel to Thailand and have Dr Sanguan Kunaporn do the surgery was based on the results that he had achieved. He was doing the penile inversion process that most surgeons perform, but his results were fantastic. The vagina is aesthetically perfect and totally functional. It self-lubricates and orgasms are achievable. The country may be Third World, but the hospital and medical staff are all first class.
What is the best part of being transgendered?
That’s a hard question. I believe that the best part of being transgendered is feeling normal. The content feeling that my body and my mind are not at odds with each other anymore.
What’s the hardest part?
The hardest part of becoming transgendered is the loss of close friends or loved ones. I was fortunate that I only lost a couple really close friends. The number of new friends far outweighs the number of friends lost. Loved ones is totally a different question, I have become alienated from my son. He refuses to accept what I have done. It hurts. It hurts a lot. My daughter was helped by a therapist and at least understands my motives. She accepts what I have done and hopes that I am happy.
The gay and lesbian community isn’t always so welcoming to transgendered people; what type of reactions have you received?
The gay and lesbian community can be very reactive, but I must say they are all among my most treasured friends. I am loved by and supported by both aspects of the gay lifestyle. The boys love me because I’m not a threat and the girls because I’m one of them. The percentage of MTF [male to female] transsexuals that choose to become lesbians is very, very high. No matter where I go, I seem to end up in a conversation of gender versus sexual preference. Once I get the point across that gender and sexual preference are two separate entities, then I can explain why a man who loves women can transition into a woman who loves women. This was my mother’s greatest dilemma; she questioned why go through the process only to become a lesbian.
I know you live in a smaller town in Washington, where more conservative attitudes are prevalent. How is the reaction from people there?
Well, my little town of redneck folks loves me as well. The overall acceptance is overwhelming. I am not shy and anyone who follows this same road that I have taken cannot be shy. I seem to be able to connect with people very easily. They seem to realize that I’m not a phony. I am real and I’m not going away. I’m not pushy, but not a wallflower. Some of those that transition wish to blend into their new gender and although this works in some instances, that is not always the case. I know that I may not pass as a woman in all instances and I accept that.
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