ROSE E: Don’t pretend everything is all right when you’re actually imploding.

ERIK: Never underestimate the stupidity of mankind (myself included).

LUCRETIA: Sweetie... you’re probably right.

DANICA: Never trust a man with a mustache.

RON: Never trust anyone who thinks they’ve learned life’s most important lesson... and never think you’ve learned it yourself!

DEREK: When Aubrey Birdwell gave me whiskey and dropped an accordion on my chest.

SWAN: I’m not trying to re-live my 20s, but I want to make the most of my 30s, and I don’t want to waste another decade.

KARIN: Life truly is too short.

MATHEW & BETH: You must have a sense of humor. We can laugh at almost anything.

DEAD WES DAWSON: Stop being such an ass. I mean it. Stop it. Now.

NAKED BIKERS: Always accessorize when biking naked.

ALEX: Never start a land war in Asia.

CHRIS: Don’t trust anybody but yourself.

JOHN: No matter how special or significant thought you were as a teenager, the rest of the world doesn't really give a crap.