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Surprising most of my friends and certainly myself, I
have lived long enough to report on the pleasures and
perils of being in my 30s. I am now too old to maintain an
eight-night drunk or the supernatural ability to achieve
erections at the drop of a hat (much less at the same
time) and yet still too young for a purple thong and fake
tan while sipping white wine at a Palm Springs resort.
However, being in my 30s, I feel able to impart some
wisdom to the babyfags out there. You know, things I wish
I had known when I was in my early 20s that would've made
my life better, or things that would've made other fags'
lives as good as mine if only they had lived like I have.
DRINK. God created booze for you to get over
yourself. Drinking loosens inhibitions and makes it easier
to pick up other guys. Plus it makes everyone look and
feel sexier, and those are both good things.
LEATHER BARS. If cruising, public blowjobs or
leather queens freak you out, you need to spend more time
doing them and less time fearing them. You don't have to
participate, but just watching what goes on here will
teach you more than you'll ever learn from spending your
life in a chat room.
SEX CLUBS. Go there to suck dick but do not be one.
If all you do is go to giggle or make fun of people for
being there, do not go. Also, like other "scary"
things you've never done, sex clubs are way less scary
once you actually go to one. It's no big deal. Sometimes
you go home wondering why you wasted ten bucks, but other
times you have a really hot time.
FUCK YOUR FRIENDS; MAKE FRIENDS WITH THOSE YOU FUCK.
Don't freak out if you meet an anonymous trick at a party.
Just laugh it off and begin learning that the gay world is
a small one and eventually find out that it is all about
two degrees of separation between those of us who have
fucked. Especially in this town.
RELATIONSHIPS. Relationships are great, falling in
love is better, but avoid monogamy. Give in to your
natural responses. Your dick gets hard? Use it. Your eye
starts to wander? Follow it. Often, they both will lead
you astray, but they will rarely lead you to something you
won't have fun with or at least learn from.
One final thought: for all you fags in your 30s and
older, don't forget where you came from. All fags younger
than you are not "twinks" or "kids."
They are just being who you were a few short years ago,
having fun with all the nervous energy and raging
hormones. Give some respect and you'll get some respect.
Plus, they're watching you to learn how to age gracefully.
It's time we start setting a better example and leave the
cycle of aging bitchy queens to the history books.
Deuce La Cock is an internationally renowned writer,
photographer and raconteur. He likes to take photos of hot
guys in their underwear. Want to be shot? Email underboy@earthlink.net.
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