From topping bottoms, having sex with transgenders and sucking toes, Simon Sheppard has bravely experienced and chronicled the vast terrain of the outer limits of queer sexual play. In his book, “Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Line of Perversion,” Sheppard takes readers on a journey of his own sexual behavior. Rather than just a good one-handed read, the book offers a rich and thoughtful investigation into the kinky underground where men piss, whip and engage in behavior some may call deviant. Sheppard is not an innocent bystander; he freely engages in every act and narrates the book that makes even those of us who wouldn’t be caught dead fantasizing about diaper-wearing pause for a moment. His clever and good-hearted approach toward human sexuality makes him a wonderful guide into the underground.
You are very sexually open and adventurous. But do you think gay men are getting much more conservative?
A firm “maybe.” The epidemic is said to have put an end to the Golden Age of Unbridled Sex, but I think that’s too simplistic. After all, the last 25 years have also made it safer for more conservative queers to come out, which skews the sample. And the gay marriage controversy has led some queer leaders to privilege the traditional matrimony model, monogamy and all. On the other hand, the rise of the Internet has put hardcore perverts more in touch with each other than was ever possible before, and there’s been a general mainstreaming of S/M and other kink. Lord knows, I’m running into suburban guys in their 20s who are into things I (and my peers) would never have dreamed of at that age. And I spent my misspent youth in San Francisco.
Are there any kinks that you’ve yet to try? And are there any kinks you think are too strange even for your taste?
Sure. Like I’ve said, being twisted isn’t a contest. I’m certainly not the kinkiest guy in town. So far, electrical scenes hold limited interest for me. Can’t run those, and I can’t do temporary piercings, though I like being play-pierced myself. Actually, there was a chapter on scat play that my editor wanted to include in “Kinkorama,” but we finally concluded it might be too much for many guys, and I have no wish to alienate my dear and gentle readers.
In one segment of the book, “Macho, Macho Men: Leather Contests and Other Butch Pursuits,” you raise an interesting question about sissyphobia. Where do you think sissyphobia in gay men comes from?
Part of it is internalized homophobia, for sure… trying to prove to the schoolyard bullies that we’re “real” men. “I may be gay, but I’m not a big old fag like he is.” Just because we like to suck dick, that doesn’t mean we’re immune from the gender strictures of society at large. Another part of it is an urge to distinguish the Good, Respectable Gays from the Undeserving Queens. I’ve been reading a book by Richard Goldstein, “Homocons,” that points out just how politically retrograde sissyphobia can be. We may think that acting straight will get us a place at the table, but face it, the men who own the table will still think of us as fags.
You write about gay men’s sexuality, but do you think lesbians have the same attitude towards kink as gay men? Are they equally as free about exploring kinky behaviors?
I’m usually loath to make generalizations about groups I don’t belong to. I’m told that gay men are more sex-centered than most lesbians, and my friends who are female-to-male transsexuals tell me that testosterone really does turn guys into ravening beasts. Certainly, I know some very kinky dykes, but perhaps my friends, of whatever stripe, tend toward decadence; I certainly hope so. And it is a truism that leatherdykes can get very vicious indeed. I’ve seen some woman/woman blood play at leathersex parties that would make many fags blanch.
You do a wonderful job of dissecting the hyper-masculine leather community and its paradoxical theatrics. What feedback have you gotten from members of that community? Positive or negative?
Actually, I’ve gotten very little feedback from self-identified leatherfolk, and all of that’s been positive. I hope that nothing I said in the book comes across as mean-spirited or over-critical. I certainly don’t want to be one of those know-it-all sex writers who seem to think they’re more evolved than the run of common, horny humanity. In any case, I’d say that many of the experienced leather players I know have a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. I think it may be the less experienced S/M players who take themselves and the “leather community” most at face value. Playing a lot tends to give one a certain healthy critical distance.
What do you think of the queer community at the moment? Do you think the rush by same sex couples to get married is a good thing?
I think it’s the right battle at the wrong time, but nobody consulted me beforehand. We’re devoting all our resources to a struggle that affects only a portion of the queer community, while other important battles have yet to be won. In an ideal world, we’d ensure that no one could get fired from their job for being queer, and then we’d worry about an employer giving full marital rights. Still, I confess: I’m thrilled to be on my partner’s health insurance. I do strongly object to privileging the traditional-matrimony model. Some gay leaders are trying to be more Catholic than the Pope: “Just give us the chance and we’ll eagerly settle down in nice little monogamous, child-rearing couples. Like you.” But a couple raising kids is no more worthy of recognition than a childless one. An honest open relationship should be just as respected as a monogamous one. Those of us who are sex radicals are finding ourselves fighting for an institution that, as presently defined, is more than a little retrograde. Mandatory “traditional values” have done as much harm as good. So why try to buy into them?
Be a good boy and visit Simon Sheppard at simonsheppard.com because if you don’t, he’ll probably spank you. Really hard. For a full interview, go to tabletmag.com.
SEVEN SEX TIPS
FROM SIMON
ONE: Learn something about what you want to do from someone who’s done it already.
TWO: Don’t confuse hype, porn, or your fantasies with reality.
THREE: Trust your own feelings.
FOUR: Communicate honestly with your potential partner(s).
FIVE: Take things one step at a time.
SIX: Hide your sex toys from your mother.
SEVEN: Go for it!
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