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There’s a war for spiritual freedom going on in Everett, WA—a town least likely to be voted “Most Messianic”—and The Church of Divine Man’s Psychic Institute is fighting that war.
Founded in 1976 by M.F. “Doc” Slusher and the charismatic Mary Ellen Flora, CDM touts itself as a “Western Mystery School,” whose goal is spiritual freedom for all. Its teachings are a mishmash of New Age Christianity, Eastern Mysticism and glorified Scientology. CDM has branches in Washington, Oregon and Canada; the average membership hovers between 50 and 100 at each location. The “Mother Church” is located in Everett. CDM’s main form of recruitment is via its free psychic readings.
Once in CDM’s two-year “Clairvoyant Training Program,” recruits soon learn Operation Spiritual Freedom’s most basic horror: no one can be trusted. Thou canst not trust thine ass, thy neighbor’s ass, thine oxen, thy neighbor’s oxen, thine cat nor thy neighbor’s cat. Thou canst not even trust a chinchilla. I know this because I witnessed psychic treason charges brought against a chinchilla (the poor soul is pictured here). Apparently, the animal, unhappy in its world, went forth spiritually from its own body, stealthily attacking the sixth and seventh chakras of a human member so as to use the poor woman’s head as a complaint box for all its grievances. The woman reported this terrible affront to the animal’s owner and both were duly rebuked.
Chinchillas are not CDM’s main enemy, however, or humanity’s biggest foe of spiritual freedom; that honor is given to the Devil and his billions of minions known as “Beings With Out Bodies.” BWOBs are entities who hate taking karmic responsibility for their actions and are too lazy to stand in line to get their own bodies. They’re like psychic hitchhikers, only BWOBs don’t stick out their thumbs and wait for a ride. They just attach themselves to your body in any way they can, then trash it like a rental car.
Constant vulnerability to things that aren’t there keeps cult members busy. Psychic sentinels constantly gauge the energy of the place… and the energy is rarely good. “Boy the energy’s thick today!” “We’re really getting hit with the energy now, aren’t we?” “Something’s really focused on us lately!” Once a member realizes the campus is under psychic attack—which is practically a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute occurrence—members put on their psychic armor. They “go into trance” and “have a look” at what the energy is, and more importantly, WHO is being used to channel that energy. Usually the errant channeler is someone from “The Hate Group.” The Hate Group is basically anybody who left psychic school for pretty much any reason.
Ultimately, CDM teaches that you are a part of God, in complete control of your space, which ostensibly means anything belonging to you. So on the one hand, you’re an immortal being with all the power in the world. On the other, a tiny, furry beast can prance right through your skull and spin your chakras like Jam Master J.
It really isn’t a fair battle. There’s the Devil with billions of minions fighting poor CDMers who lack the ability to keep so much as a chinchilla spirit at bay. It looks like these noble New Age warriors will most likely be cannon fodder on the Last Day rather than humanity’s saviors.
CULTOMETER
Uniforms: 0
Charismatic Leader: 9
Devotion of Followers: 10
Group Rituals: 6
Overall: 6.25
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