|
Subverting the traditional one-on-one dating patterns that are ingrained in most societies, swinging singles or couples get together with one shared interest in mind: fucking. But how do they find each other and what dynamics are involved?
“Jenna” and “Dirk” seem like a typical Seattle couple in their early thirties. They’re middle class, have a lot of friends, hold down good jobs and lead a fairly normal married life, with one exception: their sex lives.
“We only tell people that we know will be open-minded and non-judgmental about it. We’ve told people and regretted it afterwards, but we’ve also been glad we told certain people because sometimes it leads to something!” they explain.
“Our families and most of our friends are totally clueless about this side of our lives. It’s funny going to work after one of ‘those weekends’ and thinking, ‘These people have NO idea!’”
They got into the lifestyle after hooking up drunk one night with friends. Their partners have included a handful of friends, as well as people they’ve met through swinger websites. “We’ve not checked out any clubs, although the Wet Spot and New Horizons are the two most popular ones around this area. We’ve met people who’ve been to these clubs and heard mixed reviews. There are also ‘clubs’ without actual premises, like GLSS (Good Looking Seattle Swingers), which is a Yahoo group that meets at local bars and house parties.”
Swingers meet up for recreational sex; there usually isn’t dating or the more intimate bonding of polyamorous relationships. While there aren’t exactly rules to swinging, most swingers do have guidelines they follow. “When we meet people for the very first time, it’s always been just for drinks. This isn’t necessarily a ‘rule,’ but it’s what we feel most comfortable with. After that, anything goes! Many swingers have their own rules. For example: no guy-on-guy action, no full swapping, don’t come on my face, or don’t come inside me and do come on my face (seriously), no anal sex, no girl-girl action below the belt, etc.” Despite these rules, swinging couples find they are fairly free to explore their sexual proclivities with new partners. They say, “we try to keep a pretty open mind about these things and lots of times will just follow the lead of the couple we’re with. We personally don’t do the full swap in different rooms thing, but that’s probably because we’re not quite comfortable with that yet. We also have the rule to always use protection, but that probably goes without saying.”
What advice do “Jenna” and “Dirk” have for people interested in swinging? “Communication, communication, communication! Talk to your partner a lot about emotions that might come up: jealousy, fear, etc., because that does happen even with seasoned swingers. Also, be patient, especially if you’re looking online. We have met many couples and only a few of them have worked out for us. Swingers can be really flaky, so don’t look forward too much to your dates or you might be disappointed when they cancel!
CULTOMETER
Uniforms: 0
Charismatic Leader: 0
Devotion of Followers: 8
Group Rituals: 6
Overall: 3.5
|
