ARNIE: "The Arnie's Cult" to take over the old folks home on the Queen Anne counterbalance for old senile punk rockers.

CHUCK: "The Cult of Bush Aliens" because every election day, we put on our special sneakers and vote for our maximum leader and then celebrate with a nice glass of Kool-Aid.

LEAH & NICO : "The Cult of K-Y" because I'm like 'Kay, and then Y? If you put it together it's smooth... no friction!

CARI: "The Cult of Isla Tortuga" and we'll worship the Jolly Roger."

BERNADETTE: "The Cult of No Sleep Until November 3" because there is not a moment to be lost to get this fucker out of office.

JEFF: "The Cult of Cute Schtuff" because we'll worship cute things.

LORI: "The Bunny Cult" because I drive by the Greenlake bunnies on my way to work every day and they make me smile.

MEREDITH: "The Doomsday Gnocchi Cult" for all those who love Italian pasta.

MISS INDIGO BLUE : "The Cult of Miss Indigo Blue's United Pleasure Syndicate." Emphasis on unity is VITAL in any cult, pleasure being the one positive focus and syndicate indicating the pyramid scheme underlying the whole thing.

SHANNON: "The Porter Cult" because I'm a big fan of Porter beer!

SEAN: "The Michigan Militia Cult" because they have all the cute Goth girls with guns and they kill Russian Imperialist magicians with ray guns because Russians can't act.

STACEY: "The Kool-Aid Cult" because it's sweet and has lots of liquid connotations.

ROB: "The Cult of Circle of One" because I would create a race of atomic supermen to overthrow the human race, leaving me lord and master.

MINDY: "The Cult of Fantastic Pants" because you must respect the power of good pants.

THE CLAW : "The Cult of Death Metal for Children" and we will worship the Cookie Monster because he has the voice for it.

JESSICA: "The Cult of No Squirming" for those who are not pussy about getting tattoos.

DANNY: "The Cult of All Carbs All the Time." The name says it all... there will be a radio station all about carbs, songs about carbs, clothing made of carbs...

SUSAN: "The Cult of the Constant Masturbator" because masturbation is the pinnacle of goddamn ecstasy.