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I was not a beauty school dropout. I actually managed to get my license. I lived with classmates and did lots of drugs. This was my college experience, except I didn’t learn a lot of big words. I also didn't learn to cut hair, but instead got an aesthetician's license. This enabled me to go on waxing people's body hair. Funny thing is though, that I never did any actual waxing in beauty school!
Our small town beauty school featured those generic salon signs in the window that look like really bad Duran Duran LP covers. The hairstyle catalogs in the lobby featured the worst hair designs of the 80s, although I was attending school in 1996. Terrified of being sued, the school did not trust us to do certain things, such as waxing legs or, heaven forbid, bikini areas. I vaguely remember a class where we all got to try a brow wax. They did have us try the electrolysis tweezers, but I shocked a classmate. Fortunately, it was someone annoying. I was allowed total freedom with the piercing gun, however, and for the first time in her life, my mother got her ears pierced!
Graduating school, I assumed I'd end up in Hollywood, giving facials to celebrities (ahem, you know what I mean!), until I was "discovered" as a celebrity myself. I never thought I'd end up waxing womens’ brows, legs, bikini areas, and arms. Not to mention mens’ backs, ears, birthmarks, and fingers. I also experienced the horrific ordeal of tinting someone's eyelashes…and tinting someone's pubic hair! Never mind that I’m colorblind…
Waxing hair was rarely fun. Trimming and waxing pubic hair into shapes was amusing—
when one of my coworkers did it, that is. People did like my brow waxing. Trouble is, I'm a cartoonist, and I wanted them to look exactly like the brows I draw on female characters. With men, I'd wax a couple hairs and voila, they're camera-ready! With women, I'd wax, and then I'd tweeze…and tweeze…and tweeze… I also had a jumpy client once who had a near seizure as I waxed. She ended up with Marlene Dietrich eyebrows. She tried to cheer me up by "loving" her "new look." She came back later for an eyebrow pencil when her friends agreed with me that she looked hideous. I also had a bride insist I make her brows smaller and smaller and smaller. . .until she hated them and freaked out. "You ruined my wedding pictures!" Christ, it wasn't like I added hair to her face! We prescribed an eye pencil—which we sold, of course—but she bitched until she got a free wax. Afterwards, she'd always glare at me on the street and I'd mouth “cunt!” at her. People who didn't tip or lied to get a free service deserved no less!
I had no problem with a businessman in fuchsia panties coming in for a leg wax. But, how dare he jump off the table to answer his cell while I was working! I wanted to get the waxing done as quickly as possible, dammit. Then, there were stained panties, see-through bras, and people who lied about taking acne medication and ended up losing strips of skin. Making people bleed was something I never set out to do!
I quit the beauty industry and have never looked back. Hair today, gone tomorrow! Friends have asked me to do their brows or makeup, and I say “no thanks.” But, if I see a guy on Elimidate with his brows over-waxed, I'll give my expert opinion on that!
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