Your email is not valid
Recipient's email is not valid
Submit Close

Your email has been sent.

Click here to send another

Oscar Night Medley

Billy Crystal is long gone, but the Academy Awards medley need not be! The Tattler sings of 2012’s best films.

Print Email
(Photoillustration Tablet Magazine)

The Tattler Oscar Night Medley

It’s a wonderful night for Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, who will win!

The nominees for best picture are:

When your spouse lies in bed
And you wish she was dead
That’s Amour, oui!
She can’t talk anymore
And she falls on the floor
That’s Amour, oui!

Though you care
Doesn’t know you’re there
It’s because she’s demented

You ask me
Awfully nice to see
Older folks represented

When you lovingly coo
And she says, “Who are you?”
That’s Amour, oui

When you promise to stay
Til the last bitter day,
Well, that’s love

When you smother your wife
Thereby ending her life and the story

‘Scuzez moi
Au revoir
C’est un Oscar pour toi
That’s Amour oui!

***

Hello, Django
Well, hello, Django
It’s so nice to see you out of all those chains

No need to flee, Django
Now you’re free, Django
Blood is flowing so get going blowing out those brains

Oh look, it’s you, Christophe
Found some Jews, Christophe?
’Cause there’s one here you can hunt, dear, just say when

(I’ll give you my number later)

But

That’s not this movie
Django’s the guy in this movie
N-word’ll never be in chains again!!!

***

How do you solve a problem like Osama?
How do you catch the world’s worst terrorist?
How do you torture guys who know Osama?
A solitary cell, electrodes on balls, a fist?

1 2 3 4View as single page
Print Email
shirahadasha says:

Nice job. Beautiful singing voice!

Nice that Tom Lehrer is back again, and now so feminin!
Let’s Poison Oscars in LA…

marjorie ingall says:

BRILLIANT. “wake me up before you go-go” has never deserved such awesomeness. also, i fear i must share the little mermaid/pi song with my spawn.

disqus_qETLOtXlgK says:

Billy Crystal is very much alive!!! Why would you make such an insensitive statement about this wonderful actor and a brilliant host?

Are you kidding? We love Billy Crystal! This whole thing is a tribute to Billy Crystal! And I think the headline only refers to they fact that he’s not hosting the Oscars this year, as you can see from the first paragraph.

Mouthpiece says:

Omigod! She’s funny, she’s clever, she can sing, she’s hot AND she’s Jewish! Not, it’s not Barbra, it’s Rachel!

clever clever!!!!!!

Hannah says:

Awesome! I want more!

francis321 says:

uptil I looked at the paycheck which was of $9478, I have faith that my
neighbours mother woz like actualie bringing in money in their spare
time on there computar.. there great aunt haz done this for under 11
months and just cleard the mortgage on there apartment and got a great
new Audi Quattro. read more at, jump15.comCHECK IT OUT

2000

Your comment may be no longer than 2,000 characters, approximately 400 words. HTML tags are not permitted, nor are more than two URLs per comment. We reserve the right to delete inappropriate comments.

Thank You!

Thank you for subscribing to the Tablet Magazine Daily Digest.
Please tell us about you.

Oscar Night Medley

Billy Crystal is long gone, but the Academy Awards medley need not be! The Tattler sings of 2012’s best films.