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Oscar Night Medley

Billy Crystal is long gone, but the Academy Awards medley need not be! The Tattler sings of 2012’s best films.

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(Photoillustration Tablet Magazine)

How do you know they’re ripe for waterboarding?
How can you tell their intel is correct?
And how do you know you should
Haul out the old leash and hood
Even though the public may object

Oh how do you solve a problem like Osama?
Zero Dark Thirty help us to reflect

***

Look at this stuff
Dumped in the sea
Everyone drowning
Which left only me

Looking around here you think—
Wait, what’s the growling sound—

Look at this wreck
Victims untold
Yet a flesh-eating tiger is there in the hold
Does a scream from the depths of the ocean
Even make a sound

So now I float
Til I get back
Unless this tiger has me for snack!

Did you see this film?
Neither did I
The Life of Pi!!!!

***

Let’s wake up! it’s time for Argo
Tehran will be under embargo
Call Ben’s name and see a star go
To the podium on Oscar night.

***

You put the copper back in the coin, Abe
You put the “illin’” in Illinois, Abe

You’ve got the Union fighting and righting all the wrongs of slavery
The greatest POTUS since Jed Bartlet on The West Wing on TV

You’re true blue honest down to your veins, Abe
Got Django outta all of those chains, Abe
And with Day-Lewis playing it’s no wonder every critic had to rave
You made us all believe again
When you get shot we grieve again
Might win the prize for Steve again, Abe!

***

Silver Linings Playbook
—Ings Playbook, —ings Playbook
Silver Linings Playbook
—Ings Playbook, —ings Playbook
—Ings Playbook
And Playbook!!!!

***

You can’t stop this mighty storm
No you can’t stop it, child
And you can’t help the Bathtub folks
Living in the Southern wild!

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shirahadasha says:

Nice job. Beautiful singing voice!

Nice that Tom Lehrer is back again, and now so feminin!
Let’s Poison Oscars in LA…

marjorie ingall says:

BRILLIANT. “wake me up before you go-go” has never deserved such awesomeness. also, i fear i must share the little mermaid/pi song with my spawn.

disqus_qETLOtXlgK says:

Billy Crystal is very much alive!!! Why would you make such an insensitive statement about this wonderful actor and a brilliant host?

Are you kidding? We love Billy Crystal! This whole thing is a tribute to Billy Crystal! And I think the headline only refers to they fact that he’s not hosting the Oscars this year, as you can see from the first paragraph.

Mouthpiece says:

Omigod! She’s funny, she’s clever, she can sing, she’s hot AND she’s Jewish! Not, it’s not Barbra, it’s Rachel!

clever clever!!!!!!

Hannah says:

Awesome! I want more!

francis321 says:

uptil I looked at the paycheck which was of $9478, I have faith that my
neighbours mother woz like actualie bringing in money in their spare
time on there computar.. there great aunt haz done this for under 11
months and just cleard the mortgage on there apartment and got a great
new Audi Quattro. read more at, jump15.comCHECK IT OUT

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Oscar Night Medley

Billy Crystal is long gone, but the Academy Awards medley need not be! The Tattler sings of 2012’s best films.