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Thanksgivukkah Was Made for a Jewish Rapping Sous Chef From Queens

Action Bronson and his celebratory one-man carnival make the new ‘Blue Chips 2’ tasty ear-stuffing

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(Collage Tablet Magazine; border Shutterstock, Blue Chips 2 art courtesy of Vice)
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Bill of Fare
Harvested from lyrics in Blue Chips 2

Hors d’oeuvres
Thin slices of cheddar cheese
Pouches of tuna
Blue ling fish, cut into paper-thin slices
Calamari
Boudin Blanc
Several ounces of high-powered grass
10 grams of THC Wax

Main Dishes
Rabbit with chocolate sauce
Calf’s brain delivered from Osteria Morini
Eggs Rothko
Turkey sandwiches in aluminum foil
Farm-fresh scrambled eggs with grits
Fish in Hibiscus syrup
Grilled octopus with olive oil and lemon (hand-caught off a boat)
Breasts of veal delivered from Walt Frazier’s
Steak (eaten just to make a statement)
Chicken Parmesan
Lamb, with a squeeze of lemon
Six ducks cooked in a wood-burning oven

Side
Lightly battered yams

Dessert
Cinnamon ginger cake

Beverages
Water imported from Crystal Creek, Australia
Beer
Cabernet
Fifth of Hennessey
Cold soda
Coffee

Guest List
The Morehead Kappa Delta Sorority
Big Body Bes delivered in a baby-blue 1996 Lincoln Town Car
Nevada Nurses
Barely legal Brazilian mamis
Gary Sinise
Jim Abbott
David Justice
Actors
A Russian mistress
A Parisian Wife
Bobby Brown
A Shi Tzu
Chefs
Mac Miller (bringing seasoned rice and red wine)
An Asian man playing the violin, who was taught from age 2 to never miss a note
Ab-Soul, abnormal like a unicorn
Randy Quaid wearing a turtleneck
Nuns who do drugs

The Action Bronson Hanukkah Gift Guide
Silk shirts for casino wear
Asics
Kent Cigarettes
Mark McGwire Shirt
Bibs
A blue-and-orange Lexus
A gray Lamborghini with beige interior
Pointy shoes, like Aladdin
Ray-Bans
Brown suede vests
Marble floors imported from Connecticut
Tan gators
540i BMW
Aquamarine 1973 Cadillac
Z3 that plays nothing but U2
Twin Porsches with a triple exhaust
His-and-her Peugeots

***

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Thanksgivukkah Was Made for a Jewish Rapping Sous Chef From Queens

Action Bronson and his celebratory one-man carnival make the new ‘Blue Chips 2’ tasty ear-stuffing

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