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Family

Pregnant Pause

Pregnancies are fertile ground for superstition, especially for those who assume their traditions and lucky charms are based in Jewish law

By Allison Hoffman|February 7, 2012 7:00 AM|11comments
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Even a cell phone can tempt evil spirits. (Tablet Magazine)

But how do you draw the line between what counts as superhalachic and what is just super weird? One person I spoke with mentioned, offhandedly, the idea that pregnant women shouldn’t step on cut toenails for fear of having a miscarriage—an idea that, according to Michele Klein, is tied to long-forgotten fears of witchcraft. “When I was pregnant, I loved the idea of biting the etrog,” Rabbi Mychal Springer, who directs the center for pastoral education at the Jewish Theological Seminary, told me, referring to the custom of eating the blossom end of the citron fruit to ensure an easy delivery. “Did I believe it would ease the pain of labor? No, but I didn’t need it to—it was about having something to take with me as a source of support.”

It doesn’t help that the main branches of Judaism offer little or no guidance. “Since customs and folklore are generally passed on orally in families, there are no innately Reform customs,” wrote Rachel Adler, a professor of modern Jewish thought at Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles, in response to my query about whether the Reform movement had made any effort to systematize or catalog any of the folk customs. But I was surprised to find just as little regard for them at the other end of the spectrum. “Superstition and old wives’ tales, people don’t get into that,” Shoshana Samuels, an expert in Jewish family law who consults for Orthodox synagogues across the country, said when I reached her by phone. “People are concerned with the ritual laws, with the women’s health side.”

Some people find the absence of official sanctions for superstitions freeing. “There are opportunities for creative thought,” said Amanda Bradley, a London mother who has set up a website devoted to helping Jewish parents find ways to grieve for miscarriages and stillbirths, including observing elements of the traditional shiva mourning ritual. But what looked like freedom to Bradley felt, to me, overwhelming—and threatened to drain even what few superstitions I had fixed on of their value. Then I remembered something Vyse had told me. “Superstitions are intuitive and based on the psychology of feeling good,” he said. “There are psychological incentives for people, even though they know intellectually that it doesn’t matter.”

So, I’m still not telling anyone what name we’ve picked for our son, and I’ve still got my husband using Go-Go—a nickname we came up with not long after I found out I was pregnant—when he talks about our prospective child. But it would be dishonest of me to pretend that I didn’t enjoy a flood of relief when I got an email from Reichman last weekend, reassuring me that we didn’t have anything to fear from saying our son’s name aloud. “It is not forbidden to announce the name of a baby before his bris,” Reichman wrote. “The boy only receives the full measure of his soul at the bris, and a person cannot be truly ‘named’ until attaining that completion.” Just like that, the shadowy fear seemed to pass, and I spent the rest of the night saying the magic words quietly to myself, with nothing to hold me back.

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Allison Hoffman is a senior writer for Tablet Magazine.
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  • Deb

    Risky article indeed! It is not the Angle of Death we fear, it is the daemons who might hear that you’re pregnant and come to steel your baby. The most dangerous demon that Jewish women must keep away, they say, is called “Lilith”. To frighten her you should write names of the angels: Snvi, Snsvi, and Smnglof on a small talisman on the baby’s wrist. Good luck!

  • http://www.barbarasofer.com Barbara Sofer

    Etrog jam, don’t forget the etrog jam. I used to find jam jars on the windowsill from protective neighbors. Makes the baby slide out, they promised. Good Tu B’shvat food, too.

  • B

    b’sha’ah tovah! to you!

  • http://www.marjorieingall.com marjorie

    b’sha’ah tova, allison! demons be gone!

  • eli

    When my mother and father sought to have a child, my mother’s sister walked around Rachel’s tomb (this was pre-1948 war) with a trailing red string, and then gave the string to my mother to wear (it was quite long I am told) to assist in her becoming pregnant.

    And a bit more than 9 months later I was born.

  • Lindsay Simmonds

    Interesting article and hope all goes well. Saddened that the word ‘baby’ actually just meant boy, as in:
    ‘time-honored tricks like not saying a baby’s name aloud before it is formally bestowed at the bris’ or ‘There’s nothing in halacha about not calling a mohel before a baby’s born’.
    Perhaps the reason we don’t call a mohel before the ‘baby’ is born, is because it might (imagine!) be a girl.

  • rachael

    regarding not stepping on a toenail, there is a kabbalistic basis for this- basically it is believed that the yetzer hara remains in the “dead” part of a person’s nail that is cut off…im sure there’s more to it, but im not an expert.

  • http://kosherhomecooking.com Carol

    You forgot about the candle above the baby’s head and the angel sitting with him or her in your womb teaching him Torah. In Jewish belief a pregnancy is a spitually elevated state. You are host to angels and sublime wisdom all inside that oversized tummy. May the baby arrive besha’a tova, in a good propitious moment and don’t forget that the moments of birth, from the very first contraction the gates of heaven are open and you can achieve great heights with your own heartfelt prayers–you don’t need any text, just the text of your own heart. Best wishes.

  • Jessica in NJ

    I thought I was the only Jewish pregnant woman who doesn’t have any of these superstitons. We’re not telling the world our baby’s gender or the name because I enjoy the secret I share with my husband and because I don’t want to invite anyone else to share their opinions or make assumptions about him/her before he/she has the chance to be born.

    The majority of articles about pregnancy focus on things to avoid and make you fearful of all that could go wrong. Thank you for writing about the silliness of these superstitions. I think its time we start a new jewish tradition of celebrating ourselves and our bodies during these 9 crazy months.

  • David Zarmi

    My (Lakewood-educated) brother and sister-in-law pointed out that biting the etrog is actually bad luck nowadays… Since you’re ingesting pesticides that were sprayed on the plant never meant for human consumption.

    As for nails. It’s true that in the Middle Ages Europeans believed that witches could use nail cuttings (or hair) as a way to curse you (using a former part of your body), but being fair, you never know if these things are coincidence or if Jews got it from them. I believe it’s in the shulkhan arukh, which is not a European text at all. This isn’t my field of expertise, though, if someone else can address this issue.

  • Sophi Zimmerman

    When I hear someone is pregnant, I offer this blessing, Baruch HaShem. Because more than luck, more than medical history or testing, G-d’s help is what got me through my pregnancy. I was 38 and I had 2 miscarriages before we had testing and then gave up. The world’s children would all be our children. When we found out we were pregnant, my husband and I decided there would be no testing, no amniocentesis, no corionic villi, just the monthly blood tests, sonograms and the ultrasounds my doctor required. Whatever baby G-d gave us–that would be our child.

    I Jazzercised, walked the malls, ate lots and lots of good food and strenuously avoided alcohol. I also scrupulously celebrated Shabbat, and the holidays, most notably Rosh Hodesh.

    Only once did superstitionn ever come into play, when our doctor’s partner asked to do the “needle and thread test.” He thought it was just as good an indicator as the heartbeat. He predicted a girl.

    We were a little nervous when the birth date of December 10 came and went. After another week went by, we asked for an ultrasound. “Damn, this is a BIG baby” was the technician’s response. So we asked for a Caesarian for the next day and got one.

    My son was born by Caesarian section December 21, 1990. He weight NINE AND A HALF POUNDS. Bartlett Memorial nurses remarked at how spry I was and young women who had just given natural birth told me to stop getting out of bed–I was making them look bad. My doctor apologized for messinng up on the birth date and also said she’d accidentally delivered an 11 pound baby before. Glad I had that Caesarian!

    My son by the way scored 10 out of 10 on the APGAR scale as he was wailing the moment he was born. He was a good baby and has been an excellent son. He’s 21 now. Baruch HaShem!

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Pregnant Pause

Pregnancies are fertile ground for superstition, especially for those who assume their traditions and lucky charms are based in Jewish law