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Mixed Marriage

The Israeli government wants to lure expats back home with provocative ads. For one American Jew and her Israeli-born husband, it’s a false promise.

By Lisa Ann Sandell and Liel Leibovitz|December 2, 2011 7:00 AM|85comments
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Still from an Israeli Ministry of Immigration and Absorption video. (YouTube)

On paper, we’re the poster couple for Jewish peoplehood. One of us is an American Jew, a lifetime Hadassah member, and a Hebrew-school graduate whose love for Israel compelled her to move to Jerusalem for a year. The other is a ninth-generation Israeli who completed his service in the IDF and moved to the United States to attend university. We actually met just outside the Israeli Consulate in New York, where Liel was a senior press officer. From the beginning, a shared passion for Israel helped draw us together and anchor our relationship.

Recently, however, not long after our seventh wedding anniversary and the birth of our first child, we got some unsolicited marriage advice from Benjamin Netanyahu’s government. It arrived in the form of a series of videos produced by the Ministry of Immigration and Absorption as part of a campaign to encourage Israelis living abroad to return to the Jewish state. Each video depicts a different scenario of Israelis in America with their American partners and families, and the threat to their national identity if they remain there. One video shows the young daughter of Israeli parents mistaking Hannukah for Christmas.

It may be hard for the Israeli government to believe, but after 34 years of life as a committed American Jew, Lisa can consistently distinguish between Christmas and Hannukah, and she even knows which holiday we celebrate. Though Liel did exchange his passion for Krembos for a love for Malomars, he commemorates Israel’s Memorial Day each year, reflecting on the friends he’s lost. Lisa understands the importance of Yom Hazikaron and empathizes. But the American spouse in one of the Israeli government videos doesn’t: A pony-tailed American dufus, he mistakes his Israeli girlfriend’s yahrzeit candles for mood-lighting. As the video ends, a voice-over says, “They’ll always remain Israelis, but their spouses won’t always understand what that means. Help them come back home.”

Once upon a time, we used to believe that Israel could be our family’s part-time home. But this advertising campaign is just the most recent indication that Israel has no intention of making us feel welcome. From the Rotem Bill, which seeks to make a small group of ultra-Orthodox Israeli rabbis the final arbiters over all Jewish rites, to the recent spate of anti-democratic legislation in the Knesset, over the past few years we’ve felt as if Israel is moving further and further away from the values—tolerance, plurality, and civility—that we believe are integral to Judaism as well as to our own lives. The videos are a painful reminder of this shift.

***

When we first got married, we spent a lot of our time traveling between New York and Tel Aviv. We were frequently met with a less-than-hospitable welcome at Ben-Gurion International Airport. On one occasion, Lisa was detained for nearly an hour, and on another she was subjected to a long and humiliating series of questions about her parents’ religious affiliation and other deeply personal matters. But we didn’t care: This intrusive screening, we rationalized, was the price Israel has to pay for its security.

Hanging out with friends and family on the beach or in cafés, we sometimes tried to talk about our life in New York, where being a part of the Jewish community is important to us. We attend services occasionally, are involved with numerous Jewish organizations, and spend a lot of our leisure time going to Jewish cultural events. To our Israeli friends, our interests sounded laughable. When Lisa wrote a novel about a Jewish-American teenager’s first encounter with, and burgeoning love for, Israel, she was told by several Israelis that no Israeli would ever read it—that Americans are just too naïve to be taken seriously.

Equally ridiculed as the book Lisa had written were the books she’d read: Like many American Jews, she grew up on Leon Uris’ Exodus, a fact that was repeatedly mocked by our Israeli acquaintances. Hearing the book belittled in a Haifa café, we realized how absurd it was for American Jews to idolize Uris’ Israeli protagonists for their dismissive attitude toward the book’s gullible American characters. And now, it was us being belittled by modern-day Ari Ben-Canaans for not being tough enough, real enough, Israeli enough.

It was a recurring theme in our conversations with Israelis: We heard countless times, from even our most fervently secular friends, that if we really cared about being Jewish we’d move back to the Jewish state. We found this logic offensive, but we still believed that we could build a bridge between Israel and the Diaspora, and we dreamed of raising children who would be as at home in the Rehavia neighborhood of Jerusalem as they would on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.

***

An interesting, and often ignored, element of Israel’s new campaign is that, beyond insulting videos, the government is offering substantial benefits for Israelis who decide to return. Particularly sought-after are former Israelis like Liel: The website associated with the campaign emphasizes the incentives awaiting any Israeli who holds a doctorate from a major American university—part of a plan to fight Israel’s serious brain drain. Yet rather than highlight these attractive offerings, and take other steps to bring people like us closer to Israel, the Israeli government has chosen to tell us that the most fundamental choices of our lives—whom to marry and where to live—are irredeemably flawed and dangerous for the Jewish people. The cure? Make aliyah and abandon other key aspects of our identities—even, possibly, our spouses—save for Israeli nationalism. The campaign, then, is much more than tone-deaf PR. It is an indication of Israel’s troubling mindset, which, as our friend Gal Beckerman noted, is frighteningly similar to that of the old-world Jews that the early Zionists mercilessly mocked: the Jews who see nothing but danger and fear outside of the small and stifling Pale of Settlement.

Often, we feel real remorse for abandoning this struggle we believe is so important, the struggle for Israel’s soul. Often, we feel as if we should brave the hurdles and the insults and jump back into the fray. But time, parenthood, and an Israeli government that seems dedicated to dismissing families like ours and driving American and Israeli Jews apart have all weakened our resolve. We cherish our family’s Jewish identity and our community, as do most American Jews we know. But our Jewish identities, and our sense of peoplehood, are based on inclusion—not exclusion and condescension. As long as Israel refuses to acknowledge this basic premise about the nature of Jewish peoplehood, we can’t call the Jewish state home.

Lisa Ann Sandell is the author of three young adult novels. Liel Leibovitz is a senior writer for Tablet Magazine.
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  • Carl

    You don’t have to make excuses about the current Israeli government etc..Just say that it is more important for you to live where life is materially easier, closer to family etc…These are all very good reasons. But all these American Jews making statements about Israeli policies while living in a country stolen from the native Americans and that weekly kills tens of innocent Afghanis just make me laugh

  • Tamar

    I salute you, your integrity, your lives, your values, and your choices, and I understand deeply the issues and dilemmas you describe. Thanks for sharing your experiences and for calling out the Israeli elephants in the room!

  • Maayan

    Oh boohoo. Instead of being riteously offended, come back here to fight in the long and difficult struggle to make sure Israel’s future charachter reflects your values.

  • Kalman

    Very good. I couldnt agree more. Pitty for Israel, though. As if they lost touch with realities outside of Israel.

  • http://arza.org Daniel Allen

    A brilliant and troubling analysis. It is our responsbility to work with those elementes in Israel that can change Israel to be an ever more inclusive democratic society. Daniel Allen, CEO ARZA The Reform Israel Fund.

  • Chaim

    Why is it that I always read the same excuse that the Shvartzim have taken over in Israel?

  • MonkFish

    What Carl and Maayan said. If you want to “save Israel’s soul” move there. The impact you will have as an average, politically active Israel resident far exceeds that of most American Jews. Otherwise, Israeli or non-Israeli, you’re just a passive onlooker taking false solace in moralistic screeds such as this one. You have every right to sermonize your countrymen on policy, but you should know that your words ring hollow. Time and again external third-party interventions in the conflict have failed. Real change can only come from within Israeli society. By leaving you have, in small way, depleted the stock of Israelis capable of effecting that change. Your behaviour fails to pass Kant’s universalizability test.
    What’s more, how does moving to the US ease one’s conscience? Congratulations, you’re complicit in the Empire now!

  • Jason M

    Several commenters are attacking Liel as if he were a singular phenomenon. The emigration rates of Israelis, particularly young Israelis, is quite high for an OECD country. He’s just expressing a viewpoint that might be more common than any of us would like to admit.
    More proof that Israelis have it tough, no matter what decision they end up taking, for themselves, personally, and for their country.

  • andrew r

    “But our Jewish identities, and our sense of peoplehood, are based on inclusion—not exclusion and condescension. As long as Israel refuses to acknowledge this basic premise about the nature of Jewish peoplehood, we can’t call the Jewish state home.”

    It probably won’t do much but still, I eagerly await more exclusion and condescension from Israel. Oh please please Israel bite the hand that feeds.

  • MonkFish

    Jason M. No one is saying that their reasons for leaving aren’t valid. It’s the apolitical whinging that follows that is untenable! It’s the leftist/progressive version of “armchair Zionism.” Cold War Russian émigrés loathed the Soviet regime and all that it stood for but they didn’t turn their backs on the idea of a Russian nation. There was always the sense that once political persecution ended, they would return to their homeland and link up with all the brave souls who didn’t leave and tried to subvert communism from within. Yerida for material or familial reasons is perfectly justifiable – it’s the ideological sort of that is so contemptible. Adam Curtis, the British leftist documentary filmmaker, has a great expression for this sort of hollow posturing: “ohdearism.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c19gW_iHCZI&feature=related

  • Bennett Muraskin

    This article is a prime example of how Israeli Jews and American Jews live in separate worlds with very different mindsets.

    The Zionist project was to create a new Jew who repudiated the values of the Diaspora. Yet Israel turns to American Jews for financial and political support and tries to induce them to immigrate.

    Can’t have it both ways.

    Israeli Jewish expats who have made a life her, should not be guilted into returning to Israel. They can be more Jewish here than there.

  • MonkFish

    “Oh please please Israel bite the hand that feeds.” How very mature! A perfect illustration of the apolitical moralism that passes for substance among many left groups today. Oh for the days of hard-nosed Marxist analysis!

  • Taylor Shapiro

    Liel, if you promise to take your smug, self-righteous, intellectually bankrupt, moralizing, self-satisfied PhD Gaming ‘literary criticism’ back to Israel and never bloviate in the English language again, we’ll happily pay your airfare.

    Au revoir, Mr. Leiboviitz,

    The American Jewish Authors Defense League

  • Paul Tucker

    Seems to me that fear brings out this form of behavior. The people who have been afraid all their lives tend to grow arrogant and appear self assured- a notable example is found in former communist block countries. It also sounds as if there might not be some unspoken beliefs, you know- the ones we really don’t voice, the irrational ones. (e.g. If I step on a creak I will break my mother’s back) Just thinking, but what do I know?

  • andrew r

    “But all these American Jews making statements about Israeli policies while living in a country stolen from the native Americans and that weekly kills tens of innocent Afghanis just make me laugh”

    Can this be taken as an implicit admission that the Zionist settlers stole Palestine and kill innocent people? And that no one from the benefactor country has the moral right to condemn you? Seems to be the only leg you’re standing on.

  • http://lamrot-hakol.blogspot.com/ Lisa

    My heart bleeds for you. Honestly, you leave Jewish culture for inclusive American culture and then criticize Israel for not leaving with you? Ridiculous.

  • Al

    The Ministry of Immigration and Absorption has chosen to pander to the irrational fears of ex-pat Israelis living in America that they will lose not only their Israeli soul but also their Jewish soul. It’s a sleazy and offensive ad campaign that is paradoxically designed to bolster Israel by dividing the Jewish people.

    They should be ashamed.

    As an American Jew, I have come to realize the following about Israel,the state rabbinic overlords and me: The 24-year marriage to my Jewish wife is not recognized as a “real”
    legitimate Jewish marriage because it was officiated by a conservative rabbi; Since both my sons were circumcised by a conservative mohel, their brit milahs are not considered kosher; and, since my wife and I are deemed living in sin, my kids are classified as momsers.

    The next Israel Bonds appeal may be kind of a tough sell.

  • Jason M

    MonkFish: I reread the article and I’m not buying it. I don’t see exactly what he said that people are getting so exercised about. I know his politics has not endeared him to many on the right, but you have to make your point based on what he’s written.
    He’s clear that staying in the US presents a heavy moral quandary for him. Living in the US means Israel is bereft of yet another bright, thoughtful young Israeli who wants the best for his country.
    As hard as it is to say this as a Jew, I can understand the lack of optimism, though. The hardcore fundamentalists and settlers have a stranglehold on the political and religious life in Israel. Due to birth rate differences and growing brain drain, their control will only get stronger. This should give anyone who isn’t Haredi or who doesn’t relish the thought of a binational state in Israel’s stead more than a little pause.
    Instead of dealing with its own problems, Israel is guilt-tripping overseas Israelis to turn home, saying they’re not going to feel authentically Jewish if they stay abroad, or, even worse, marry an American Jew.
    Sounds like yet another misguided Israeli policy. They seem to be coming more and more often nowadays.

  • Harold

    Al wrote:
    As an American Jew, I have come to realize the following about Israel,the state rabbinic overlords and me: The 24-year marriage to my Jewish wife is not recognized as a “real” legitimate Jewish marriage because it was officiated by a conservative rabbi; Since both my sons were circumcised by a conservative mohel, their brit milahs are not considered kosher; and, since my wife and I are deemed living in sin, my kids are classified as momsers.

    If a conversion to Judaism had been involved, some of this might have been correct. But otherwise every single assertion here is factually wrong.

  • Harold

    Lisa and Liel:

    You may feel disgusted and alienated by this campaign because both of you are involved in intense Jewish and Israel-related activities.

    But wouldn’t you agree that that’s not true of the great majority of your fellow Israelis who’ve settled in this country?

    Aren’t the ads speaking their language, and focusing on the feelings of guilt that many of them still have?

    If so, wouldn’t many of them agree with the sentiments of the ads, even if they continue to remain here?

    Thanks.

  • Al

    Sadly, Harold, the contempt of American Jews by the Israeli rabbinate far exceeds that of the Ministry of Immigration and Absorption. If billions of dollars in donations and foreign aid weren’t at stake, these self-anointed “Jewish authorities” would spew harsh judgement on all of us over here in goy-America.

    I am reminded of the idiot rabbis in 1930′s Europe who told their beleaguered followers not to escape to America because they would lose their yiddishkeit.

  • MonkFish

    Jason M. I agree with all of the points you have made. This is a (typically) unsavoury and ham-handed ad-campaign, and I have serious doubts it will achieve the desired outcome. Yerida isn’t the only issue. There’s a growing number of Jews like Al who would never contemplate moving to Israel (although there is nothing really new here – this issue has plagued Israeli courts since the 1971 case of Shalit case v. the Ministry of Interior) because of the stranglehold of the rabbinate over Jewish membership and marriage. These are familiar problems which must be tackled. My argument is simple: Liel, who I suspect likes to think of himself as good person whose actions are guided at least in part by reason, infringes Kant’s categorical imperative. If he applies Kant’s universalization test to his decision to leave Israel (Kant enjoins us to act in such a way as our behaviour can be universalized – that is to say, in such a way that you would not object if other’d did the same) and stay in the US, he’ll find that his decision was inconsistent with his values. If all like-minded progressives moved to the US or Europe, there would no more obstacles to the Ultra-Orthodox and National Religious takeover. Ergo his actions are wrong. It’s a very demanding form of morality – but a useful yardstick in my, and Yeshayahu Leibowitz’ – opinion. Alternatively, he could be honest and confess that his decision to leave Israel was anti-progressive but motivated by legitimate familial or material needs.

    Bottom line: this article sounds like a lame attempt at using an ad-campaign (which he could to ignore) to rationalize behaviour which contradicts the author’s own moral position. Life in Israel is tough, but perfectly viable for progressives (and in many ways less segregated, less shrill and less brutually unequal than life in the US). It’s incumbent on Israeli leftists to fight to ensure it remains that way.

    How many US citizens moved to Canada after Bush got elected? Almost none.

  • Binyamin in O

    Face it Liel and Lisa, America is Zion. You have made aliyah. Welcome home.

  • Vikki S.

    As always I am amazed at the wide range of opinions. The divide between Israelis and diaspora Jews grows wider with the increasing intolerance of the ultra religious Jews for their secular relatives. I continue to be amazed at the growing cultural avenues for those of us who are secular and strongly self identified as Jews. Long may tolerance live, in America and in Israel.

  • Alexander

    The “Hannukah-Christmas” video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB-7734p-EI&feature=related) was just removed from Youtube. Does it mean the Misrad haKlita is listening?

  • Jules

    It is clear there is a deep deep division between Israeli (as they presently stand) and American values.

  • DRW

    Actually, the economic argument rings pretty hollow. The Israeli economy has been stronger than the American economy for years and the unemployment rate is half. Granted, it is much harder to achieve the American dream upper middle class lifestyle in Israel – in Israel you’ll likely have to “settle” for a decent apartment (with a correspondingly less carbon footprint). But, very unlike the U.S., Israel has a strong social safety net, including unemployment benefits far exceeded anything offered in the US, universal healthcare, as well as world class, but very inexpensive universities, that more than compensate the average wage earner for the sacrifice of luxury and disposable income. In short, if you have a liberal arts degree, went to law school and your ambition is to live in Scarsdale, then stay here to reach your upper middle class fantasy, because you won’t achieve that standard in Israel. For those who can handle the language, however, Israel is a very viable and even preferable option (and you won’t be burdened with unpayable student loans and day school tuitions).

  • europamedical

    A courageous article outlining the disconnect exemplified by this idiotic PR campaign. It’s painful to watch Israel imploding. What hope for peaceful relations with the Palestinians if even diaspora Jews are persona non grata.

  • Al

    I just read that Bibi pulled the ad campaign.

    http://www.jta.org/news/article/2011/12/02/3090538/american-jews-complain-about-israeli-ads-aimed-at-expats

    By the way, to all who participated in this thread, thanks for a great pre-Shabbos discussion. Too bad we couldn’t get a hareidi point of view but their rebbe leaders won’t let them use the internet.

  • henry gottlieb

    I imagine that they don’t have enough women to sit in the back of the Bus

  • mark epstein

    The relationship between American Jews and Israelis is an interesting one. I’m reminded of my youth visiting Israel. Israelis, typically working class somewhat disenfranchised middle aged ones, saying, “why do you want to come here? In America you get everything.” This was before HBO arrived and of course totally ignorant of the reality of living in America. There were also Israeli jokes that talked how all the yoreds (Israeli immigrants to the US) saying they lived as kings in the west but were in reality living as paupers. Truth be told, Israelis move to the west because they want money and wealth but couch it terms of politics. The latter is self rationalization. They often find out wealth doesnt come so easily working as taxi drivers. They could be doing the same in Tel Aviv. But they often forget any semblance of their Jewishness, and assimilate to the point of celebrating Christmas. Their Israeli secularism is uber vulnerable when moving to the west to the point that they disapear as Jews. Their lack of Jewish identity brought on by living a secular lifestyle in Israel results in another Jewish soul lost. Too often secular Israelis loose their Jewishness by faulty education, or seeing Jewishness as something only for the Religious. I find secular Israelis less Jewish & ignorant of their history with little self identification. Living in the west as a minority, you self identify more. Its funny but secular Jewish westerners move to Israel out of ideology and an identity that is very much akin to old school zionists. Secular Israelis move to the west for money or (if married) the hope of a better life for their kids. Once in the west they tend to disappear as Jews as they exclude themselves from the indigenous unrelatable Jews. The Jews that move to Israel dont want their people to disapear and have a sense that they must fight for their people. They have a sense of their history and desire to keep on fighting the nazis. It may balance out?

  • Avi

    So you ditched Israel, and now you’re crying that they don’t this exactly what you want. If you want to influence, live in the Jewish state.

    Israel has enough of armchair experts who don’t know the place that well as the people who live there.

  • http://www.marjorieingall.com marjorie

    Wonderful, thoughtful, sad piece. Thanks to both Liel and Lisa for writing it.

    Now, can someone please come to my house and create some kind of Clockwork-Orange-eyeball-holder thing, but in REVERSE, to prevent me from reading comments?

  • Alexander Diamond

    Israel’s typically miserable attempts at hasbarah notwithstanding, it seems to me that you sowed the seeds of your demise, so to speak. Israelis have little patience for American Jews who come with naive expectations that Israel is some sort of Jewish federation to be joined. Or that Israelis share the Jewish community values unique to metro areas here with large Jewish populations. Or that Israelis need to have an instinctive knowledge of and appreciation for American Jewish “values”.
    When it comes to Israel American Jews are most definitely naive. But Israel wants you back but cannot guarantee your comfort. That part is up to you. But it doesn’t look to me like you are up to it. Stop being so sensitive. Israel has so much to give. You guys need to grow up and learn how to take it.

  • Jules

    Ditched? I can’t say that I entirely embraced it altogether.

  • shavit

    perfectly said marjorie. I’m going to be needing one of those eyeball-holder things …

    Lisa and Liel: I forwarded this piece to my wife (an israeli) as soon as I read through it. We couldn’t quite put into words why the ad campaign hit a nerve in both of us the way it did … you have done so for us. Excellent article.

  • Jason M.

    MonkFish: I think I understand what you’re saying, but who’s to say Liel’s decision must pass Kant’s universalist test? If his and every other emigre’s primary goal was to have an Israel that espouses their values, then, yes. Maybe that’s not his goal. Maybe he’s making a personal decision based on his personal level of comfort as a Jew, and what kind of Jewish identity he wants for himself and his family. Maybe the more liberal form of Yiddishkeit will continue to move westward to the US, while a form of traditionalism that Liel does not identify with centers itself in Israel.

    That has been my assumption. While we may all love Israel and support its right to exist, it might not have the same emotional connection as it evolves into a more foreign-feeling entity. I have to say that I feel a personal urgency to visit and enjoy Israel while it still retains the character of the Israel I knew and admired when I lived there 15 years ago; I think that Israel is vanishing, replaced slowly with the reactionist ghettoes I remember seeing in Jerusalem.

  • Steve

    I saw the video about the candles, which seems to imply that there is no such thing as secular Israelis.

  • henry gottlieb

    bye the bye ——— chanukah is not a torah holiday ……
    the macabbees were not the hardy boys…….
    chanukah and christmas both celebrate the same thing, the winter solstice, by lighting candles, maybe its time we looked at similarities instead of differences

  • Not Michael

    I understand the desire for progressive Jews to remain in Israel and for American (progressive) Jews to make aliyah in order to build a better, more tolerant Israel. Fine. I get it.

    But what do you say to those progressive, but religious Jewish women who get beaten up for trying pray at the Kotel with a tallit? Or those North American modern Orthodox olim and tourists who are assaulted when they won’t sit men-in-front/women-in-back in buses? While Haredim assault them and scream, “This isn’t America!”, the bus driver doesn’t intervene or and the police don’t arrest the haredi men for assault.

  • R. Miller

    What if the Ad campaign started off in a more subtle way – like an “I Love New York” Ad in the 70s. TV commercials saying, come back to Israel for a visit, stay for a while, maybe buy a vacation home. . . And who knows, maybe you’ll end up staying :)” (narrated by Eli Wallach) – no guilt trip, no innuendos – it would encourage investment, keeping ties to Israel and an ownership stake in its future, its survival – instead of slowly evolving into a state where the vary people who wield ever increasing power are counterbalanced by people who actually served in the IDF risking their lives – unlike those who get a pass and think serving in the IDF is beneath them. . .

  • andrew r

    That would be a smarter ad campaign. However, Zionism has always been arrogant, chauvinistic and dumb. So when the core cadre is losing followers, it’ll revert to type.

  • ben Dish

    Relax, it was a bad ad, that’s all. The government did not redefine Judaism.

  • MonkFish

    @DRW

    Very good post. The US is in many respects a far harsher place to live than Israel. Types like Liel who live in the NYC bubble may not appreciate how unequal and unforgiving the American system really is. My advice to Liel, stop talking about America as an alternative “Zion” when you actually mean New York City.

    @ Not Michael

    To liberals who feel under siege in Israel I say grow some backbone! Fight back. Fight back with the force and conviction you display in your articles and the all-embracing – almost Messianic – enthusiasm with which you welcomed Obama’s canditature in ’08. The trouble with today’s progressives – especially those with a penchant for political activism (think Occupy WS) – is that they’ve lost the taste for power and aren’t willing to get their hands dirty in fighting for it (i.e. put out a left-populist message). There is no force quite as potent as a liberal who wants to grab the reigns of the state. Liberalism in the US and Israel has become a small-minded pusillanimous minority with a sect-like “purist” mentality. A terrible shame when you consider the tremendous organisational capacities of the Right.

    @ andrew r

    You can spew your shallow anti-Zionist resentment until the cows come home, but I won’t let you say that the early Zionist leadership was dumb! Carving out a nation after 2000 years of Jewish political apathy/submission may not be the task of an intellectual – but it sure requires persistence, savvy and guile.

  • Philip

    So if you disagree with the ad campaign, what has that got to do with living in Israel? Since when do we agree with everything a government does? And how can you call recent legislation anti-democratic? “We dreamed of raising children who would be as at home in the Rehavia neighborhood of Jerusalem as they would on Manhattan’s Upper West Side.” Of course they can, as long as they recognize and appreciate the differences between the places, which I think you have forgotten. Israelis, who live in a tough and unfriendly neighborhood, are “tolerant, pluralistic, and civil”, much more than most places. At the end of the day, making an impact can only occur when you live in the place. Many Israelis, of all political opinions, do this daily. Sorry if you disagree, but that is life in a democracy. Your article is an all-to-common kvetch and simply looking for excuses of why you choose to live elsewhere. Enjoy, while we go on trying to make this a better place to live.

  • MonkFish

    @Jason M

    This is largely a consequence of the absurdly high fertility rate among Haredim: over 7 children per woman! If current demographic trends continue Haredi/Hassidic groups will be consitute the majority group in Israel by 2050 (my source for that stat is Eric Kaufmann’s “Shall the Religious Inherit the Earth”). Stuctural and legal anomalies present since Israel’s founding have allowed this situation to develop. Like you I don’t have much faith in a sudden change of direction, yet I do think there is a possibility of an anti-Haredi alliance forming between left, centre and right moderate and secular parties (Yisrael Beiteinu is, paradoxically, devoutly anti-Haredi).

  • delia ruhe

    Falling out of love with Israel is just realizing that it’s not very Jewish. I suspect that it never really was.

  • ben

    This debate is irrelevant. American Jews are disappearing. The ad was right – you can’t sustain a Jewish life in the USA unless you live in a ghetto.
    In the end, there won’t be many Jews left outside of Israel.

  • Binti

    long and humiliating list of questions about parents’ religious affiliation: this is to weed out Messianic Jews, anyone perceived to be an American Jew is on the suspect list for believing in Yeshu`a Hamashiach

  • http://www.karenalkalay-gut.com Karen Alkalay-Gut

    Painful and true – Israelis are not a very accessible and sympathetic people. But this is why Israel needs Americans so much, to participate in education and politics, to join us in learning how to create a new society of tolerance, to help us learn about dialogue. Don’t give up on us – we need you!

  • Hello, Tablet, anyone there?

    Taylor Shapiro, I salute you. That was one awesome, succinct comment. My maiden name was Shapiro. Maybe we’re distant cousins.

  • Hello, Tablet, anyone there?

    Karen- which Israelis are you talking about? The one’s who worry that my kids aren’t dressed right? Or the ones who don’t mind that I’m short 5 shekel for a 10 shekel item and tell me to come back tomorrow? The men who are always hugging each other when they sit down to have coffee? Not accessible? Not sympathetic? You need to change neighborhoods.

  • Jean Terry

    I’m not Jewish, but I love Israel and I’m sorry to read this. I hope it improves as it is a wrong attitude for the Israeli government to take.

  • Dave G

    How on earth can you have a ninth generation Israeli? Even if the parents had all reproduced within 15 years, you still can’t fit 9 generations into 60 odd years.

  • TS

    A self-pitying, pathetic, whining article. You rejected Israel (yes, you did, you left!), now you feel rejected? You want your children to feel at home in Rehavia (a rich people’s neighborhood), as long as they don’t have to grow up there? You want others to do the dirty work of maintaining an Israel so that you can live in material comfort and without the day to day tensions and struggles of living in Israel? No one ever meant to offend American Jews who are oh so sensitive. Maybe they can look beyond themselves and their egos and see that Israel is only trying to get its sons and daughters back. American Jews are totally beside the point here. Maybe they can find something useful to do with themselves and realize they are not the center of creation.

  • MonkFish

    What it boils down to is the widespread unfamiliarity of US Jews with one of the essential tenets of Zionism: shlilat hagalut or “negation of the Diaspora.” Like it or loathe it, it’s been around for about 80 or so years… If US Jewry were better informed the reaction to these ads would have been little more than a shrug…

  • Rocky

    You can’t blame a young, well educated Israeli with a good skill set from wanting a better life abroad. It is expensive for the government of Israel to subsidize its religious underclass, many of whom don’t want to work or to carry their fair share of the military burden. Within a few decades, 1 of every 3 Jewish children in Israel is expected to be a Haredi. Israel is facing an economic catastrophe of its own making.

  • Lwineman

    If most american Jews were like your friends and cherished their Jewish identity and community the future of American Jewry would be as bright as you paint it

    But there is not a single piece of research that shows most of American Jewry is like ur friends in NYC (in the unique intensely Jewish upper west side of manhattan ?)

  • Lwineman

    Let s see number of ametican homes with a Jewish parent that have a Christmas tree?

    Number of homes with a Jewish parent in Israel with a Christmas tree ?

    We’re the ads insulting or too close to home for American Jews (who spend million$ to fight “assimilation and intermarriage” and see visits to Israel as crucial to building Jewish identity.

  • Aaron

    American Jews are intermarrying more and more and will eventually disappear — because if only one of your great grandparents is Jewish, why should you bother feeling an attachment to the 5000 year old people and religion? Sure there are plenty of Jews who find marrying within the faith and keeping a Jewish identity, values and traditions important — but there’s a full 50% that don’t see it that way. Losing 50% each generation will soon put America’s 5 million Jews at zero.

    In another few generations the only Jews in America will be the ultra orthodox in Brooklyn.

    (Disclosure, I acted on my belief and moved to Israel and married an Israeli.)

    I must be one of the 1% who think the Israeli Absorption Ministry’s ad was spot on.

  • Carol

    Hi Liel,
    Yes this is just another example of the present Israeli government’s wrongheadedness not to mention willingness to waste public funds. The only reason to come here is spiritual. If you believe that it’s a mitzvah to live in the Holy Land regardless of the cost–which might be performing the ultimate mitzvah of sacrificing one’s life al Kiddush Hashem (not an unlikely prospect if you follow the news) then this is the place for you. If you don’t believe in the Torah, then you’ll feel lost and angry and bewildered here. If you do, then it’s the only place to be. Good luck.

  • http://www.carolinebock.com Caroline Bock

    How about Jews with only parent who are Jewish who seek to be Jews… but alas, if that parent is a father, that person, according to the State of Israel is not a Jew… oh to be lost in the diaspora.

    Read LIE by Caroline Bock.

  • l wineman

    This is a classic example of analysis by anecdote something this publication specializes in. If the authors think their experience among committed Jews in NYC typifies the American Jewish experience or that their circle of Israeli friends/family represents the totality of the actual and potential Jewish content of life in Israel they are mistaken. I recommend they read Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow about how we reach conclusions and process information.

  • Pesele

    The article is spot-on. The comments, not so much–a remarkable amount of sinat chinam being spewed around.
    I’m quite surprised that Ahad Ha-Am’s name has not been mentioned. He recognized from the early days of the state that a relationship between Israel and Diaspora would keep both healthy. Diaspora Jews understand this (mostly); Israelis don’t (mostly). Fact is, each could learn from the other, beginning with the differences between living as part of a minority or as part of the majority. Each has strengths and weaknesses and, if only each would respect the other, could strengthen the whole Jewish people.
    One other note: I live in Northern California. There is a vibrant Jewish community here that is very different and much more diffuse than that of the New York area. It, too, has lessons for the Jewish people, should both Israelis and New Yorkers care to pay attention.

  • Carrie

    This article just reeks of smugness. Why do you think Israelis would care to listen to your lecturing on how their current legislation is not “civil” or progressive enough for you or whatever buzz words the far left is using these days? Would you care to listen to a diatribe from an Israeli on the non-democratic clauses of the Patriot Act?

    You and people like Jeffrey Goldberg have to stop speaking the name of US Jews. We are not all far left liberal progressives who care about Obama more than Israel. FACT.

  • RS

    LWineman, I don’t live in NYC (or even in NY State), and I don’t know a single Jewish family that has a Christmas tree in their home. Anecdotal evidence on my part, admittedly, but I’m tired of reading how the big, bad branches of Conservative and (especially) Reform Judaism will be responsible for the ultimate destruction of our people. Frankly, I think that predictions of our imminent demise have been largely exaggerated.

    I’m one of those Reform Jews who the ultra-Orthodox and Haredi love to label as a practitioner of a “fake religion that has nothing to do with ‘real’ Judaism”. I could provide a litany here of why we believe as we do, and why I choose to be an active member of a dynamic, Torah-loving Reform congregation. I could write paragraphs explaining why I am confident that my 15 YO son – who comes home from his URJ overnight camp every summer exclaiming how he “LOVES being Jewish” and who will be a music leader in the service celebrating the culmination of his Confirmation program this Spring – will continue to be a practicing Jew, raising (G-d willing) Jewish children when he hits adulthood.

    But bottom line, as it pertains to this (excellent and extremely thought-provoking) article is why on earth I’d ever want to consider relocating to a place where those who will soon be a majority – those who are taking on more and more political power – denigrate and marginalize those like my own family who do not adhere to their own beliefs? Sorry, but I want the freedom to pray where I want to pray, sit where I want to sit, and dress as I want to dress. I also don’t want my taxes to support a population of men who “learn” all day at the expense of providing for their families or fulfilling civic obligations.

    If Israel is the parent and we are the children, perhaps there should be more of a willingness to teach, to be patient, and to accept us largely as we are. In my opinion, in-fighting is doing more harm to our people than any other factor or group.

  • Lwineman

    Rs
    Visit me in tlv you can wear whatever u want and sit wherever you want

  • Jason M

    MonkFish: Yes, the demographic trends are depressing. I don’t think at its current rate Israel will survive as a Jewish state by 2050. The settlers are infiltrating Palestinian land, and the Palestinians just have to give up the claim for their own country and ask to be fully-enfranchised Israelis. That will probably happen within a decade.

    RS: I agree with you. I’m not sure where the ultra-Orthodox get the idea that Reform Jews are mimicking Christians. The only Jews I know that have Christmas trees are *secular* (totally unobservant and unaffiliated) Jews; only an idiot would confuse *secular* with *Reform*. Well, maybe this is the sort of nonsense they’re being taught.

  • RS

    @ L wineman – Thanks for your kind offer, but I’m pretty sure that using Tel Aviv to refute my concerns is about as disingenuous as the author using NYC as a model for describing American Judaism.

    However, perhaps you’ll run into my son this summer; he’ll (G-d willing) be in Israel for about a month (after spending a week or so in Poland) with more than 500 other high school-aged Jewish kids through NFTY (the umbrella group for Reform Jewish youth from North America). He’s really looking forward to this trip; we just hope we can definitely pull together the scholarships and savings to make it happen.

    These are bright, enthusiastic kids – male and female – who tend to be very active within their local and regional synagogue youth groups, attend URJ overnight camps each summer, and continue their Jewish educations well beyond their b’nai mitzvot. These are not kids who have Xmas trees.

    But – as Reform Jews – males and females mix freely, most are not strictly shomer shabbat, most probably do not keep kosher, and few likely observe tzunius. Nearly all attend secular high schools, and likely strive to attend a good college.

    So even though they love Israel, and Judaism, and even though they are very likely to marry other Jews and raise their own bright, enthusiastic, involved children within our faith … My son and his fellow-travelers would be shunned by their ultra-Orthodox peers and mocked for their religious beliefs. Those whose mothers may be gentile and fathers Jewish will be denigrated further as not being Jews at all, even if Judaism is the only religion they’ve ever practiced.

    So tell me: Would most Israelis (and not just those from Tel Aviv) accept these kids “as-is” and welcome with open arms any who might choose to make Aliyah … Without expecting them to change how they believe and practice? Or do you want our children to build lives there, use their educations, creativity, and passion to bolster the nation – but only under your terms?

  • RS

    @Jason M: unfortunately, it’s been my experience that being censured due to the “Christmas tree fallacy” is only the tip of the iceberg.

    Within a popular online professional networking site, there is a particular very active, very large professional group that is ostensibly for *all* Jewish professionals. The dialogue within the group tends to “spill over” from the work-related to other matters – political, philosophical, religious – germane to us as Jews.

    This group has amassed a fairly large, very vocal orthodox/Haredi presence. The vitriol they use, virtually without exception, when speaking about, and to, less-observant Jews – and particularly Reform Jews – is staggering. I used to attempt to respectfully, politely explain my beliefs, to correct misconceptions and mistruths … but I became tired of being personally attacked and disrespected.

    I was jeered as practicing a “fairytale” that has “no relation to authentic Judaism”; I was accused of basing my practices only on what is easy and convenient, and told that “my kind” would be responsible for the extinction of all but the most orthodox Jews. And that no one would miss us when we were gone; indeed, the world would be better for it.

    There was lots more, and it was directed to others as well, but I think you get the drift. I finally stopped posting there – life is too short to invite that much negativity into it – although I do continue to read what’s written.

    I can tell you that the ultra-orthodox rhetoric continues, and that I have never felt as attacked, marginalized, or disrespected for my beliefs by non-Jews as I did by my so-called fellow-Jews. And I can also tell you that – just as the Xmas tree canard continues to be perpetuated by our more-observant peers – the degree to which they are ill-informed about our beliefs and practices overall is extreme. But, at least in this scenario, they really had no interest in learning the truth if it had the potential to bring us closer together.

  • Abbi

    RS: Israeli culture is secular. There are large Orthodox enclaves in Jeruslaem and Bnei Brak and there are smaller religious communities scattered around, but no one would force your son to be religious if he chose to move here. Your questions reflect a deep misunderstanding for what life in Israel is like today.

  • michi

    So in the end, Lisa chooses America for comfort. but she sort of supports the idea of a Jewsih State, just it shouldn’t be tooo Jewish. it should be like a State in America.

    it is exactly as simple as her secular friends make it out to be….if you truly want to be Jewish then you must logically make your home in the Jewish State. Unless of course, you want to redefine what the term Jewish is to mean (or maybe reconstruct and reform its new meeaning). but yes this opportunity to gather in the exiles to our ancient land is not a event to be taken lightly. if you are truly a person who believes in the Jewish faith, then you would make your home in the land of Israel. if not, you can settle for being a cultural Jew, but peter bergson put it best, “We must state it clearly: the Jews in the United States do not belong to the Hebrew nation. These Jews are Americans of Hebrew descent.” thats what Lisa is and check back with us in 40-50 years. Let’s see what happens to the following generations and their Jewish identity… good luck

  • RS

    @Abbi said: “Israeli culture is secular. There are large Orthodox enclaves in Jeruslaem and Bnei Brak and there are smaller religious communities scattered around, but no one would force your son to be religious if he chose to move here. Your questions reflect a deep misunderstanding for what life in Israel is like today.”

    @Michi said: “[T]his opportunity to gather in the exiles to our ancient land is not a event to be taken lightly. if you are truly a person who believes in the Jewish faith, then you would make your home in the land of Israel. if not, you can settle for being a cultural Jew, but peter bergson put it best, “We must state it clearly: the Jews in the United States do not belong to the Hebrew nation. These Jews are Americans of Hebrew descent.”

    So which is it? …

    Although Abbi claims that secular Judaism is the rule of thumb, Michi seems to imply (with his/her oh-so-clever application of the words “reconstruct” and “reform”) that the so-called “lesser” branches of Judaism – indeed, those encompassing most American Jews – are merely “cultural Jews” and therefore do not belong in Israel. Michi then goes on to say that, in fact, American Jews do not belong to (or in) Israel at all.

    My take-away is that it’s okay to be any “flavor” of Jew you want to be if you were born and live in Israel, but if you live in America you’re only desirable with either an Israeli birth certificate or an Orthodox pedigree (aka “truly a person who believes in the Jewish faith”) – am I reading the situation correctly now?

    Michi’s sentiments are echoed by many of the commenters here, whom I find it hard to believe are all confined to the two geographic locations that Abbi indicated. It seems to me as though my earlier questions about acceptance were not quite as “uninformed” as Abbi would suggest.

  • Abbi

    No, you’re not reading it correctly. Obviously, people who are religious and have a very religious perspective on the state of Israel will express their feelings about Israel in a religious fashion.

    The law of return is very clear. If you can prove you’re Jewish, which I believe includes a Jewish mother or father or even grandparent, judging by the standards set for the Russian aliya, then you can become a citizen. I will fully admit that the rabbinate is more exacting when it comes to marriage standards and will demand ketubot from the parents’ marriage, letters from rabbis in order to marry you.

    But everyday life? If you live in a mixed area, it’s like everyday life in New York, San Francisco or Evanston Illinois. I live in a neighborhood with a religious and secular population and everyone lives their own lives as they see fit. No one demands that they other change for any reason.

    There are cultural norms- no stores are open on Saturdays in most cities (Tel Aviv is more lenient and many kibbutzim opened their own shopping centers that are open on Saturdays).

    I’m not understanding why “cultural Jews” don’t belong in Israel. All secular Israelis are cultural Jews! My neighbor asked me if I’m not allowed to drive for both days of Rosh Hashana- she grew up here all of her life a secular Israeli and she had no idea. But of course she had a big meal for her whole extended family the first night of the holiday, so she knows that the holiday exists and her kids learn about apples and honey in nursery school but it pretty much ends there for her.

    So, your impression that Israel is wall to wall religious people is mistaken. But don’t take my word for it. This is what Claire Danes has to say about Tel Aviv:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WfYcoSS7JIs

  • Dan O.

    @Monkfish

    “If all like-minded progressives moved to the US or Europe, there would no more obstacles to the Ultra-Orthodox and National Religious takeover.”

    So, your relevant descriptive term for universalization is ‘progressive’? Why is that the morally relevant category? (Be careful. No heterodox pop moralisms will be accepted.)

    If the categorical imperative operated as you say it does, it would be impermissible to go out to dinner. Because if we universalized that maxim, the restaurant would be comically and hopelessly full, and nobody would be working to cook the meal and do the dishes.

    And so – anyone can see – Liebovitz universalizes the permission to emigrate, not an obligation. He can do so content in knowing that not every person will want do the same. Even so, if every progressive secular Jew would want to leave Israel, surely that is not Liebovitz’s problem.

  • L wineman

    @rs
    your comments show you have little knowledge of israel because what i mentioned about tlv holds for virtually the entire country save some settlements, bnei brak, and segments of the population in jlem

    as for this ?
    So tell me: Would most Israelis (and not just those from Tel Aviv) accept these kids “as-is” and welcome with open arms any who might choose to make Aliyah … Without expecting them to change how they believe and practice?

    the answer is not only yes, it happens every day. contact nefesh b nefesh if you want more details they’ll be happy to make their aliya less stressful, provide stipends and scholarships for college as well

    as for this:
    My son and his fellow-travelers would be shunned by their ultra-Orthodox peers and mocked for their religious beliefs.

    as would their israeli fellow travelers they meet at a club on a friday night

    oh and btw those ultra orthodox “peers” get mocked plenty by their israeli peers orthodox and not that serve in the army, go to movies and attend universities

    maybe if your son travels in israel widely for a month He will be able to disabuse you of your fantasy of israel=mea shearim when he returns

  • http://ianthal.blogspot.com Ian Thal

    What I’ve not noticed anyone addressing is that the Ministry of Immigrant Absorption is run by Yisrael Beiteinu not Netayahu’s Likud. Is it possible that since YB is primarily a party representing the interests of Jews from the former Soviet Union that this is something of a cultural schism between Russian Jews and American Jews?

  • Abbi

    Ian, I’m not sure what YB would be advocating in terms of immigration that would be a detriment to American immigrants. The Russian aliyah benefited from very lenient rulings with regard to who is a Jew and I haven’t heard that they are rolling any of these leniencies back in terms of immigrants. Where it gets sticky is personal status issues, like marriage, which is run by the rabbinate, which is not run by any political party but is run by Orthodox rabbis. But YB is not involved in that in the least.

  • Ben David

    The key word is “committed” – your profile of involvement in Jewish community organizations, and knowledge of Israel, make you statistical outliers compared with American Jews who are more left/liberal than, say, middle-of-the-road Conservatives.

    The vast majority of American Jews with your profile of Jewish practice do not have your rich ties to Jewish community – and the rich knowledge that informs your identity.

    Most of them have never even visited Israel, and are apathetic – or even antagonistic to Israel’s case.

    The ads accurately addressed this reality -in which the preponderance of liberal American Jews are losing common cultural ground with Israelis.

  • Dan O.

    “The ads accurately addressed this reality -in which the preponderance of liberal American Jews are losing common cultural ground with Israelis.”

    That’s true. Except, of course, for the ones that come to live in the United States.

  • Abbi

    Ben David- I promise you, when the Ministry of Immigrant Absorption made those ads they seriously did not give one second of thought to addressing anything remotely related to American Jews. They just weren’t on their radar.

  • Jason M.

    RS: Sadly, your experience with Haredi bullies does not surprise me. The problem is that, in addition to their unassailable dogma, they have entirely too much time on their hands, a very large percentage of them both here in the US and in Israel unemployed. (I guess I am stereotyping myself here a little bit, but the data seems to validate it.)

    The problem for Israel is that Jews that don’t work and that are bullies, to Arabs and Jews who aren’t of their particular “flavor”, are growing rapidly in numbers, displacing the innovative, educated, creative ones who are fleeing abroad.

  • RS

    Thanks, Jason. Sometimes it feels as though there should be a separate version of Tablet for us non-Orthodox Jews to quell the in-fighting.

    Interestingly, and sadly, though, those I mentioned previously are posting on a well-known networking site that rhymes with “Pinked Fin”; I’m fairly sure that most are employed, but the rest of their views are firmly entrenched in ultra-ortho rhetoric … including tireless criticism of most American Jews – an inferior breed too easily corrupted by the siren’s call of assimilation into our secular society.

    I don’t know if it’s a case of too much time on their hands, or a disturbing trend of those who observe more traditionally to proselytize to/look down upon those who they perceive are “lesser”:

    Decline to toe their party line with regard to keeping kosher, or being Shomer Shabbat, or adhering to the laws of niddah and tznius, and you are branded a poor Jew or a non-Jew. Dare to suggest that curriculum at *every* school should include 21st c. science (evolution, anyone?), that is it inappropriate for men to “learn” all day while depending upon public assistance to support their families, or that you see nothing wrong with women reading Torah or praying wherever they want to, and you are labeled as either ignorant or a threat to the longevity of our people.

    And there is no reasoning with them, because they perceive their “source material” as unassailable. Anyone who believes or practices differently is by (their) definition spitting in the face of The Right Way.

    I’m just sick of my own branch of Judaism being ridiculed and dismissed by this bunch.

    And I still want to know where all of these Jews with Christmas trees are hiding, because I honestly don’t know anyone who fits into that niche. There’s a comment to another article by this author on Tablet that mentions “at least ten Jewish friends who have posted photos of their xmas trees on FaceBook this season” – maybe I just hang out with all of the outliers??

  • http://www.englishquickly.com Reb. Moshe Zalman

    My fear is that there are many Jewish people in the Occident whose only identification with Judaism is there place in the Holy Land. Israel to them is the forfathers Abraham until the European families while most Jewish affiliations are going downhill, thus attachment to the existence of Israel is a lifeline not to be abused as a hanging noose, rtz’ln

  • http://www.dianabarshaw.com Diana

    Who will your children marry? Will they speak Hebrew? In Israel there is a very good chance that my grandchildren will be Jewish. Can you say the same? That is really the only issue.

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Mixed Marriage

The Israeli government wants to lure expats back home with provocative ads. For one American Jew and her Israeli-born husband, it’s a false promise.