‘Granny’ Roseanne, looking the part.(Alberto Rodriguez/Getty Images)

Finally, an answer to the are-Michael Jackson’s-children-Jewish debate from no less an authority than Roseanne Barr. (Jackson’s ex-wife, who may or may not be the mother of the two older kids, is Jewish.) Barr took to her blog this week to, first, offer herself as a “granny” to the kids and then clear up the mysteries of Jackson’s relationship with Judaism. Here’s her take, complete with her punctuation:

You are jewish, and your dad really loved jewish people and considered himself one of them. He considered that it didnt matter if a person was black or white, rich or poor, Muslim or christian, but that it DID matter if a person was jewish. Your dad believed that the Jewish People would change the world just by changing themselves. This is a very important jewish concept! Your dad would want you to know these things, he was a student of kabballah. kabballah teaches us that the jews need to change themselves, and to do that, they need to accept that they came from africa, from ethiopia, and not from europe!

Someone Tell Paris and Prince Michael 1 and 2 [Roseanne World, via Perez Hilton]