[Ed. note: Tablet Magazine previously noted MyJewishLearning.com’s forthcoming Bad Poetry Day competition, but temporary Scroller Marc Tracy was unaware and composed this ode (sonnet? whatever) to mark the occasion.] In honor of Bad Poetry Day (August 18—what, you didn’t have it on your calendar?), MyJewishLearning.com is sponsoring a bad Jewish poetry competition. You should submit your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org by August 11. While it just wouldn’t be fair for us to compete—we are professionals, after all—we thought we’d inspire you to brilliant heights of awful Jewish verse with a quick sonnet. Please forgive us if we screw up our iambs.
Shall I compare thee to a matzoh ball?
Thou art more soft and more delicious.
My nose is ever-set to heed your call,
Your olfaction could n’er prove malicious.
Tho’ not the type apt to disintegrate,
Blown to bits by a spoon’s first tender touch,
Thou’rt also not the type who’s strength’s so great
A blowtorch is requir’d—which is a little much.
Thy substance intermingles perfectly
With chicken broth that does thyself surround,
Thy supple taste, it doth pair marv’lously,
With the soup’s celery, just plucked up from the ground.
So long as I can’t eat bread for one week,
So long your respite and pleasure shall I seek.
Bad Poetry Contest [MyJewishLearning]