30 Billion Sex-Crazed Cicadas to Swarm U.S.
Today in biblical plagues: The Brood II
Is this the most Jewish science story of all time? According to scientists, any day now a surge of red-eyed cicadas (called magicicadas) will swarm the East Coast from North Carolina to Connecticut in a biblical plague that could include anywhere from 30 billion to 1 trillion sexually repressed and buzzing participants.
It’s being called the Brood II and pockets of the country will littered with cicada corpses. But not before the mating hums reach as loud as 94 decibels. Sound apocalyptic? Entomologist May Berenbaum says we should just relax. It’s just the life cycle.
“It’s not like these hordes of cicadas suck blood or zombify people.”
They’re looking for just one thing: sex. And they’ve been waiting quite a long time.
Since 1996, this group of 1-inch bugs, in wingless nymph form, has been a few feet underground, sucking on tree roots and biding their time. They will emerge only when the ground temperature reaches precisely 64 degrees. After a few weeks up in the trees, they will die and their offspring will go underground, not to return until 2030.
“It’s just an amazing accomplishment,” Berenbaum says. “How can anyone not be impressed?”
What’s also impressive is that 30 billion cicadas lined up head to the tail would reach the moon and back. While it’s possible that many people may not even see a cicada when the brood begins, some of the goyim are already getting nervous.
“I don’t mean to sound like a wizard or fortune teller, but Staten Island should strap in,” said [Scientist John] Cooley, who expects them to arrive in New York City around May 20. His logic is simple: That borough was overrun by Brood II in 1996.
Apparently, the Brood happens every 17 years. Sounds a little young, nu?