Tila Tequila, Jew (?), Converts to Sexy Hitler
With raunchy Auschwitz shot, naturally
Last year was a time of rebirth for Tila Tequila: the sometimes model, quasi-actress, reality television starlet, itinerant rapper and Internet phenom announced that she would be capping off a tumultuous couple of years—which included an alleged engagement to heiress Casey Johnson, Johnson’s death of high blood sugar, and the obligatory grieving period porn tape—by becoming Jewish. “I feel Orthodox is a little hardcore for me at this stage,” Tequila said, but added that she couldn’t wait to officially be Jewish, as “Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them.”
That was so last year.
This morning, on her Facebook page, Tequila revealed the next step in her spiritual growth. It involved photoshopping a picture of herself in a skimpy bikini, swastika on arm and SS cap on head, standing in the splendid sunlight by the entrance to Auschwitz.
Referring to herself as Hitila—a portmanteau of her name and that of a certain historical leader who was not too keen on the Jews—Tequila was happy to preach her new gospel. In a post entitled “Why I Sympathize with Hitler Part 1: True History Unveiled,” Tequila confessed to feeling broken-hearted over the grossly unfair way history had judged her favorite Fuhrer.
“Here is a man who was not a coward,” Spake Tequila, “stood up for his country in a DESPERATE TIME OF NEED (unlike all of our cowardly leaders), and yet not only did he try his best to help his country and people get out of what was a time of depression, economic collapse, high unemployment, amongst many other things… he lost the war AND was painted out to be a monster after his death. This is what breaks my heart.”
Tequila took a less melancholy tone this Friday, when posting a news report of the murder of a former acquaintance. “I TOLD YOU AND PROPHECIZED THAT THIS DAY WILL COME AND IT HAS COME FULL FORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” wrote the ever-grammatical Tequila. “GOD SEE’S YOU DIRTY FUCKING KIKES WORKING FOR THE SYNAGOGUE OF SATAN AND I HAVE RETURNED AS HIS MESSENGER! TAKE HEED NOW BITCHES!”
What’s the correct emotional response when faced with such verse? Outrage isn’t merited, nor is apathy: whether we like it or not, Tequila is the totem of our culture, and her conversion to Nazism, therefore, is oddly inevitable. Let pseudo-celebrities fester online for long enough, and sexy Hitler is only a question of time. Lord help us all.
Here’s the full image:
You can finally blame today’s awful music on your children