The Chosen Ones is a weekly column by author and comedian Periel Aschenbrand, who interviews Jews doing fabulous things.
Fashion people can be extremely snotty and totally pretentious which is a) part of why I love them, and b) exactly what I was expecting when I met Gelareh Mizrahi. For starters, she is solely responsible for murdering millions of snakes. Just kidding. I have no idea how many snakes are sacrificed for the gorgeous bags and accessories and skateboards (!) she makes for her eponymous line, and honestly, I don’t really care because snakes are assholes.
And even if they weren’t, her bags are so insanely gorgeous that it’s worth the dead reptile.
You can tell, just by looking at her Instagram feed (which you should) that Mizrahi, 32, is a creative visionary. Her first collection of python hang bags is a series called STONED, a collection inspired by “the story of what happens to your brain when you smoke.” There are six styles in the bag collection: a pot leaf, a fried egg, a bloodshot eye, a smiley face, model Lara Stone’s lips, and A PYTHON CLUTCH IN THE SHAPE OF A PIECE OF PIZZA. With pepperoni. (Not kosher. But brilliant.)
Anyway, to meet her, I had to schlep to the middle of nowhere in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, in 90-degree weather. And then, like a beacon in the night sky, this tiny, little, adorable person came toward me and, right there, inside of her, she was carrying a human being. As though I was greeting my college roommate who I hadn’t seen in years, I screamed, “I didn’t know you were pregnant!”
And to my great surprise, even though I had never met her before, she didn’t flinch. She just gave me a sweet hug so reflexively that I felt like she could have been my college roommate. But alas, she is nearly a decade my junior and also, I didn’t go to the University of Maryland.
“I was a horrible student,” Gelareh said, seeming somewhat embarrassed about it, even now. At age 10, Mizrahi moved to Washington, D.C. from Tehran, after the Iran-Iraq war in 1990. “My father does curtains, he did curtains before we left too—he did all the curtains in the palaces for all the Shahs,” she said. “I think it was very hard for him to come here and learn this culture.
“After I graduated, I took the LSAT but in the meantime, I secretly applied to Parsons [School of Design]. I took the Chinatown bus from D.C. to N.Y. for the interview and they loved me. I was on cloud nine when I found out I got into Parsons but I had to figure out how to break it to my parents.”
You’d think parents would be thrilled to have their kid get into one of the top schools for fashion in the country, but when your parents are immigrants, as Mizrahi’s are, you become one of two things: a doctor or a lawyer. One of her brother’s, Isaac (no, not that Isaac) just graduated from medical school (in Israel no less—double mitzvah); her other brother, Josh, is currently in law school. “My parents eventually got over it,” she said.
The bag she carries with her when we meet looks like a regular black bag—until she flips it over and I see, in big hot pink letters: THUG LIFE. I may be in love.
Periel Aschenbrand: Do you remember the war?
Gelareh Mizrahi: The trauma isn’t really from remembering the war. I think it’s more from having to go from dreaming and thinking in one language to another.
PA: You didn’t speak English when you got here?
GM: No. And my mom went into this, like, immigrant survival mode. She opened a store called Signature, selling designer clothing like Moschino and Versace and Castelbajac. My version summer camp was going to the store with my mom. And then, when the economy fell, she started doing proms and pageants and she’s been very successful doing that. She’s the one who got me into doing my own line.
PA: Are the Japanese crazy for your bags?
GM: Yes, the Japanese are the coolest. They don’t hold back and they have no fear when it comes to fashion.
PA: Your bags are like the “it” bags. You’ve been featured everywhere from Vogue to New York Magazine, and even Bill Cunningham (RIP) has photographed your bags!
GM: I’m actually interested in the anti “it bag.” Luxury is not having what everybody else has. The purest form of luxury is to have the freedom and confidence to be unique.
PA: What are you working on now?
GM: This is the fifth collection. It’s called Anatome-me-me, inspired by creating a human life. I have found out the craziest things researching human anatomy for this. Did you know you can tell how much testosterone you were exposed to in the womb? If your ring finger is longer than your pointer finger, you have more testosterone flowing in you.
PS: What’s your favorite drink?
GM: I’m pregnant! Water.
PA: Well, what about when you’re not pregnant?
GM: Not pregnant it’s a Michelada—Corona with Bloody Mary mix and lemon and salt.
PA: Name five things in your bag right now.
GM: A notebook, a diaper, a pacifier, this amazing Sephora red lip gloss that dries totally matte. You have to try it! Look. [She shmears it across her arm]. Also, this. [She smears a different lipstick across her arm, then dumps out a mini plastic set of kids toys—a wrench, a screwdriver, a clamp, a saw and a drill.]
PA: Favorite pair of shoes?
Gelareh looks down at her amazingly perfect Chanel open-toe, chunky, stacked-heel sandal. I was expecting her to say, “These,” but instead, I got: “I actually have a pair that look like these from Zara that I love even more.”
PA: How do you eat your eggs?
GM: Hard-boiled. I eat two eggs every day.
PA: Gefilte fish or lox?
GM [Wrinkling her nose]: I’ve never had gefilte fish, I think that’s an Ashkenazi thing.
PA: What’s your favorite Jewish Holiday?
GM: Rosh Hashanah.
PA: How do you drink your coffee?
GM: I don’t drink coffee. It freaks me out. I’m actually really against it and don’t think it’s natural what it does to your mind and body. I hate the jittery feeling.
PA: Did you have a bat mitzvah? What did you wear?
GM: I did have a bat mitzvah. I wore a mint green strapless dress custom made by my mother’s seamstress.
PA: What shampoo do you use?
GM: The shampoo I use is called Nigelle AX. It’s a Japanese shampoo I found at Shizen Salon in Brooklyn. It’s totally healed my hair.
PA: Favorite film?
GM: The Science of Sleep.
Periel Aschenbrand, a comedian at heart, is the author of On My Kneesand The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own.
