If you’ve ever wondered what Britney Spears’s life would be like if she made aliya—and, as someone whose workout mix is comprised almost exclusively of her music, I have—wonder no more. Arriving in the Holy Land for a highly anticipated concert this evening, Spears made it abundantly clear what kind of Israeli she’d be.
To start with, she’s no fan of Jerusalem. Taken on a tour of the Kotel tunnels, the singer seemed so distressed by the abundance of stones and men in beards that she cut her trip short, skipped the traditional putting-a-note-in-the wall routine, and darted back to her hotel. So strong was her dislike for the eternal capital, in fact, that she cancelled a meeting with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, his wife, and a host of cancer-stricken children, all of whom were looking forward to a selfie with Spears.
What, then, did Britney do in Israel? She legged it to Tel Aviv, went on a shopping spree in Kikar Ha’Medina, the city’s fanciest commercial district, and then retired to her balcony and smoked cigarettes while looking at the Mediterranean.
To recap then: hates Jerusalem, dislikes Bibi, loves the beach, adores smoking. Which is pretty much the perfect biography of anyone who has ever lived in Tel Aviv. Welcome to Israel, Britney; you’re one of us now.