Let’s just get it rollin’. No messing around. It’s your Week In Rear View.
Chuck Schumer will not rest until you’re stoned: The senator from New York introduced a bill today that would decriminalize marijuana, announced earlier this week in an interview with Vice.
— Matt House (@mattwhouse) April 19, 2018
Sean Hannity gets DERSHED: DERSHED, verb, past tense. To be lightly scolded by Alan Dershowitz on your television program, which kind of seems like the only thing the Dersh gets up to these days. Anyway, he went on Hannity’s show this week to register his mild displeasure that Hannity should have disclosed his relationship with Michael Cohen before commenting on him on national television. Honestly, DERSHED could be its own weekly feature.
Monkey business: Florida deli owner Shlomi Ezra couldn’t believe his eyes this week when he saw a monkey run across his parking lot not once, but twice!
“My friend said, ‘Yeah, you probably saw a cheetah.’ They start making fun of me,” he said.
Ezra had some proof of the sighting about 30 minutes later, when he captured video of it running across the parking lot of the Lubavitch Aventura South Synagogue.
“I said, ‘Monkey! Monkey!’ No one paid attention,” he said.
The return of Trayon White: The D.C. lawmaker made news a few weeks ago after he Facebook Live’d himself saying that the Rothschild’s controlled the weather. This week, as part of his atonement tour, he visited the Holocaust Museum. And folks, it did not go well.
During his time inside, White pointed to an image of Nazi stormtroopers surrounding a woman who was wearing a sign that read: “I am a German girl and allowed myself to be defiled by a Jew.” He asked Lynn Williams, the museum’s director of leadership programs, if the stormtroopers were “protecting her.”
When told that they were forcing her to march down a street in Norden, Germany, White offered that “marching is a form of protecting.”
A magician reveals his tricks: David Copperfield was forced to have one of his tricks dissected at length in a courtroom after he was sued for negligence due to a magic-trick-related injury to an audience member. This sounds like a potential all-time bad Law and Order.