Kobe Cited as Potential Future Jew
You can bet on it (but don’t)
Former Tablet Magazine intern (and Dallas native) Jordan Hirsch sends news that, in the wake of the Amar’e Stoudemire phenomenon, a bookmaking Website has fixed odds to the likelihoods of 10 NBA stars’ converting to Judaism.
Dallas Maverick Dirk Nowitzki is pegged at +550 (in other words, if you bet $100 on him, and the German power forward proceeded to take a dunk in the mikvah, you would get $550 and your money back). Of the 10 stars, the most likely are Kevin Durant (+350) and Kobe Bryant (+375), though particularly in Durant’s case I have no idea why; the least likely are Nowitzki, Chris Paul (+550), and Dwyane Wade (+600), which makes more sense—Nowitzki is German, Wade seems fully self-actualized, and Paul won’t do anything unless LeBron tells him to.
A few more notes:
• The total likelihood of one of these players’ converting to Judaism is 100 percent, which should tell you something: Don’t bet actual money on this.
• Amar’e Stoudemire, who technically isn’t Jewish, should clearly be the most likely, and, depending on the odds, the only one actually worth putting money on.
• Ron Artest, who technically is insane, would be the only other NBA player I would put money on here, under the theory that he is capable of absolutely anything.
• J.J. Redick is the NBA player least likely to convert, because (I reflexively assume) Dukies don’t like Jews.
• The (albeit just-retired) NBA player whom I would most like to join the Tribe? SHEEEEEEEED.
Website: Chance of Mavericks’ Dirk Novitzski Converting to Judaism Is 15% [Dallas Morning News]
Earlier: Amar’e Stoudemire’s Excellent Adventure