• The majority of Iranian Jews will vote to reelect Mahmoud Ahmadinejad because he’s “the lesser of two evils,” experts say. His opponents, apparently, steal kittens from children and eat them for breakfast. [YNET]
• To celebrate Hebrew Book Week, Haaretz is featuring reported articles by some of Israel’s best writers, including Yoram Kaniuk, David Grossman, and Tablet columnist Etgar Keret. [Haaretz]
• Best headline ever: “‘Jewish, Welsh, Asthmatic Single Mother’ Wins Nationwide Competition to Become New Loose Woman.” Also: Who knew there were Welsh Jews? [Daily Mail]
• At the end of a naïve column—did you know there are some contradictions between third-wave feminism and Orthodox Judaism?—the Guardian’s Dan Rickman declares that grassroots advocacy will eventually result in the ordination of Orthodox women rabbis. Bless his heart. [Guardian]
• Leonardo DiCaprio and Israeli supermodel Bar Rafaeli have split up, perhaps because he’s a goy. [Ireland Online]
• Bank failures, shmank failures: an Israeli woman throws out an old mattress that turns out to be full of her mother’s life savings. [JPost]