Someone’s Got To Do It
Lending a hand to the spokesman for Iran’s nuclear program
The sewer cleaner. The doorknob taster. The fill-in blogger. So rarely do we stop to think about those doing the dirty jobs necessary to society. That’s why I want to honor such an individual today: The spokesman at Bushehr Nuclear Power Plant. This is the guy who has to explain—week after week, to his superiors and the media—the newest problems that have befallen the Iranian nuclear program.
On Friday, Iran began to unload fuel rods from the Bushehr reactor without explanation. Apparently, unloading fuel rods is much like coming home to find all your stuff on the curb—you don’t need to know why to know it indicates a serious problem. Either way, Iranian officials were originally mum on the reasons—prompting speculation that it was a new wrinkle in the curious case of Stuxnet. The Iranian spokesman later explained that the step was demanded by the Russians (they built Bushehr), who wanted to conduct testing.
Look, Bushehr spokesman—you can do better. We basically invented blaming the Russians and can see right through it. But you have a difficult job, so here are some ready made excuses for the next time something goes wrong.
• “Chaz got his sleeve caught in the reactor door.”
• “The fuel rods were switched with pickles from Katz’s weeks ago, and we only just noticed.”
• “A time traveling pigeon dropped a baguette into the machinery.”
Please, be kind to this troubled soul and leave him some more suggestions in the comments.