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The Scroll

A Very Prolific Mohel

At the forefront of Ukrainian circumcision needs

By Marc Tracy|August 17, 2011 4:00 PM|8comments
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A Jewish ritual circumcision.(Wikipedia)

Congratulations to Lubavitcher Rabbi (and Dr.) Yaacov Gaissinovitch, a Ukrainian mohel who just performed his 4500th bris.

A few punchlines (from various Nextbook/Tablet Magazine staffers) come to mind.

“I just performed my 4500th bris, and all I got was this lousy foreskin.”

“I just performed my 4500th bris, and boy are my arms tired!”

“Time to cut out.”

“His number will be retired and his jersey will be lofted into the rafters of the Moscow synagogue.”

“The record for most circumcisions in a single day is still held by King David, who collected 200 Philistine foreskins to King Saul to win the right to marry Saul’s daughter, but it has long been believed that the great Psalmist was aided by illegal performance-enhancing substances.”

“He beats the old record of 4200 set in the 19th century, but you can’t really compare because the season is much longer today.”

“I wonder if he works for tips?”

But leave your own jokes in the comments. Remember that brevity is the soul of wit, and also of painless circumcisions.

Mohel Performs 4500th Brit [JTA]
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  • Shaked

    He’s a cut above the rest.

  • djp

    I’m sure many have heard this joke and I’ll try to keep it short:
    Guy’s walking down the street when he realizes his watch has stopped working. He sees a storefront with photographs of clocks and watches in the windows. Walks in, tells the guy inside that his watch is broken.
    The man says, “What do you want me to do about it? I’m not a watchmaker.”
    The customer says, “Well, why do you have pictures of clocks in your window?”
    The man answers, “I’m a MOHEL, what do you want me to put in my window?”

  • Sam

    By now, his job must feel cut-and-dried.

  • Scott

    After all these years, all he has to show for his efforts is a little wallet. But when he rubs it, it turns into a golf bag.

    How do you circumcise a whale? You send down Four skin divers.

  • http://metaphorager.net Neal Ross Attinson

    The mohel, the merrier.

  • asc

    This guy has cut more dicks than Tom Coughlin.

    That’s more circumcisions than Pete Rose has hits. I just hope the mohel had a better batting average.

    Does this guy have a fan club, and how many members?

    Big deal. I did something 4,500 times with a penis, and that was in the seventh grade.

  • aky13

    So I’m between flights in Chicago’s O’Hare airport. I go to empty my bladder. The men’s room is crowded. There is a guy – a complete stranger – at the urinal next to mine.

    All of a sudden he says to me, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but are you from Brooklyn?”

    I said, “yes” and continued with my business.

    The guy then asks, “Are you from East Flatbush?”

    I said, “yes” with a little suspicion in my voice, but continued.

    The he asks, “Are you from around Utica Avenue and Church Avenue?”

    I look at him and say, “Yes. Do I know you?”

    He replies, “No, but my father was the Moyel there for many years and he cut on the bias!”

    Bada Bing!

  • Steve

    He made a wallet with all the foreskins, but if you rub it, it becomes a valise.

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A Very Prolific Mohel

At the forefront of Ukrainian circumcision needs

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