YOU. GUYS. This, apparently, is kosher-keeping, Israel-touring New York Knicks star power forward Amar’e Stoudemire’s Halloween costume this year. (Full picture below—I think he’s wearing Tevas!) Much as Solomon traveled south to Ethiopia, according to Twitter Stoudemire is in Miami. He is practicing, he said, his “#deepvoice.” And here he is. It’s a sensationally appropriate costume. Consider:
• Solomon splits babies, Stoudemire splits double teams.
• Both traveled east to pursue success (respectively, the banks of the Euphrates and Madison Square Garden) after failing on a west coast (among the Philistines, with the Lakers).
• Both are notable writers (Song of Solomon, @Amareisreal).
• Both had codependent relationships with a Gentile from a northern country (Hiram and Steve Nash).
• Solomon is a man of the hills, Stoudemire a man of the low post.
• Both had sidekicks with funny names (Zadok, Carmelo) and eminent mentors (the Prophet Nathan, Anna Wintour).
• Both lust for an idyllic figure from the far south (Queen of Sheba, Chris Paul).
• Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, Stoudemire scored 1,971 points last season.
• Relatedly: seven seconds or less.
So, happy Halloween to all. And Amar’e: please consider Moshe Dayan for Purim. You’d love the eyepatch.
(Thanks to Ben J., from whom I stole most of these jokes.)