Lately, there’s a lot of talk coming from Jerusalem about bombing Iran. The idea of such a strike is so preposterous, it sounds like something straight out of a video game. Like a Call of Duty game, say. So, as a public service to the Israel Defense Forces, and in celebration of the long-awaited release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 yesterday, here are some things that Israel can learn from Captain John Price, the game’s lead protagonist:
Foreign countries are confusing: Even if you’re the sort of chap who is kicking ass in Afghanistan in the morning and sipping tea in India at dusk, it’s still hard to keep track of all those foreigners and their crazy agendas. In Call of Duty, there’s a bad Russian named Makarov and a good Russian named Kamarov. In real-life Iran, there’s bad guy Khamenei and good guy Karoubi. Bewildering!
Governments don’t always deliver on promises: Let’s say you want to flex your muscles in the hopes that Ahmadinejad bows down and disarms. Would that even matter? You can learn all you need to know about the well-being of absolutist leaders in messed-up countries from Call of Duty’s Russian president Vorshevsky: Just as he’s about to sign a peace treaty with the Americans, he’s kidnapped. Awkward!
All it takes is one asshole: So, you probably think that you have this whole commando thing all figured out. And history—Entebbe, Osirak—proves you right. Well, just know that all it takes is one moron, and the smoothest military campaign is severely jeopardized. You know, like Yuri, the ex-Spetsnaz soldier who keeps getting in your way every time you have a clear shot of some enemy. Frustrating!