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An Extremely Pressing Matter

In which we tackle the most important issue of the day

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Lana Del Rey.(Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

As Jews, we’ve many burning topics to concern ourselves with, but none more pressing than

(Secret note to readers: Lana Del Rey! Sure, there’s nothing Jewish about the pop sensation, but we can’t allow ourselves to be the only site on the entire Internet with nothing to say about her debut album, Born to Die, or her scandalous Saturday Night Live performance, or her status as either the coolest thing in music or a manufactured mess, depends on who you ask. So here we are, talking about Lana Del Rey.)

Jewish continuity and the alarmingly dropping rates of communal organization participation, particularly among young teens. One way to address this question

(… is to just look at Lana’s photo. I mean, does anyone really believe she hasn’t had her lips shot up with collagen? Do yourself a favor and Google Lizzy Grant, which is Lana’s given name and her stage name before she became a prefabricated pop tart. Look at her lips. Compare. I mean, come on.)

is to do whatever we can, as a community, to remained attuned to the needs and concerns of those of us seeking to define their identity outside the confines of traditional institutions. We must

(… admit the simple truth here: the only reason not to completely despise Lana Del Rey as the overprivileged daughter of a real estate tycoon who had her daddy buy her a team of producers to tweak every aspect of her career is that unlike Lady Gaga and other recent, post-modern pop icons, Lana is keeping it old school. She’s a fake, but the right kind of fake, the kind that’s about sex, not dresses made out of meat or bizarre, elaborate performances.)

remain alert, and never stop thinking about the images that, as a community, truly matter to us

(… like Lana Del Rey. I mean, we Jews had Amy Winehouse, who had her share of image-driven bravado, but the girl could actually sing, and write terrific music. What can Lana do? Unclear. So much to think about!)

so that we might take appropriate action. Thank you for your time.

Apologies to Dave Barry.

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Another Tablet article that’s not an article. This is about nothing. You could have written about talent. Lady Gaga can really sing and Lana, well she brings old glamour back. But since your article is not worthy to be read, this answer is also not really an answer. Did the editor in chief of Tablet go on vacation? Again?

miriam chaikin says:

i cannot believe the foolish and incoherent comments about lana del rey, whoever she is, in your pages.
perhaps it is some sort of inside joke – from which i am absent.

Sue Swanson says:

Could you possibly be any more cruel in your assessment of this
woman? What about some compassion?

(she’s actually jewish [mother], how ever it may butt w/ your motivations)

Nanette Washpun says:

What the hell are you talking about? She is one the best Artists right now, no matter what her “daddy” did for her. He didn’t buy the talent she has, I don’t anyone can. She has lyrics that speak to everyone and every situation, yes, some it is sex but sex is in life and life lessons. She is my favorite artist right now, and I’m not even a fan of pop music. If you don’t like her, THEN DON’T, but you have no right to degrade her talent and effort to get to we’re she is now.
– Sincerely A Pissed Off Fan of Lana Del Rey

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An Extremely Pressing Matter

In which we tackle the most important issue of the day

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