• The U.N. Security Council demanded that Syria “immediately and verifiably” halt its attacks on its people. [WP]

• It’s almost impossible to imagine any other country’s ambassador writing anything so sophisticated as this defense Michael Oren has written for Israel’s—in his account—flawed but undeniable democracy. [FP]

• For everyone who has seen or used Dr. Bronner’s brand soap and suspected there was a crazy Jew behind it all, well, here is the story of the crazy Jew behind it all. [Inc.]

More campus April Fool’s articles gone bad: the Zionist Organization of America is highlighting a Rutgers satire, “What About the Good Things Hitler Did?” To make it worse, the piece was attributed to a student who had complained of anti-Semitism last year. [ZOA/JustASC]

• Sharp take from Dr. Rafael Medoff on that poll from two days ago. [The Daily Caller]

• The last Judaica store of … the Lower East Side! [Forward]

So the thing today on the Internet is Texts from Hillary Clinton. Here’s the one most appropriate to this blog: