Over the weekend, I received an e-mail from one of Israel’s long-dead founding fathers (or someone improbably with the same name), who directed me to this Craigslist personal ad. As a personal rule, I generally tend to avoid this section of Craigslist–there might be nothing in this world more frightening than anonymous romantic internet wanting, but the winter weekends wear down taboos and so I clicked.

Here’s how the ad begins:

Shalom! We are five handsome and two not so handsome single men. And, yes, we are Jewish. Bound by tradition and emboldened by wit, we are hosting an epic Shabbat dinner–a little challah, a little wine, and a lot of gefilte fish–in downtown Washington, DC on Friday, January 18, 2013. In a nod to our orgiastic traditions, we are inviting seven lucky ladies to feast with us. Echoing the State of Israel’s Declaration of Independence, we will consider you, “irrespective of religion or race,” as long as you “bring your own lactaid pills.”

To be considered, please submit a picture of yourself. We’d also like to hear more about you!

The ad goes on, asking some questions about the Holocaust, Seinfeld, Birthright, and Philip Roth. The whole ad is worth your time and–since no age range has been given–I suppose I ought to encourage you to forward this to all the single ladies you might know in the District of Columbia. And if they’re not horrifically offended, you should encourage them to submit.

It’s 2013, let’s bring the people together!