Jews were in the news. Jews often write the news. Coincidence?!?!?!?

Quincy Jones went on a date with Ivanka Trump?: The interview that Quincy Jones gave to Vulture this week is one of the greatest pieces of journalism in the history of the profession. He says that Marlon Brando had sex with James Baldwin and Richard Pryor. He says—with confidence—that he knows who killed Kennedy. But most importantly, he says he went on a date with Ivanka Trump. Quoth Jones:

“Twelve years ago. Tommy Hilfiger, who was working with my daughter Kidada, said, ‘Ivanka wants to have dinner with you.’ I said, ‘No problem. She’s a fine motherfucker.’ She had the most beautiful legs I ever saw in my life. Wrong father, though.”

House GOP candidate calls the Holocaust “poppycock”: As far as Holocaust denying terms go, I guess this one is kind of charming. He actually said it twice (“Poppycock! It’s poppycock! It’s a scam!”), which is more than I’ve said it in like the last year.

Chelsea F.C. heads back to the drawing board: Just a few weeks ago, British Premier League soccer (not calling it football) team Chelsea announced a new initiative to combat anti-Semitism. Alas, this week, a Jewish fan of the team was hit with a barrage of anti-Semitic remarks at a match against Watford. In soccer terms, this is referred to as an “own goal.”

A big first for USY: Sawyer Goldsmith, a 16 year-old from suburban Chicago, became the first transgender teen to be elected to USY’s international board. “It felt really amazing,” Goldsmith said. “When I went up to accept it, all of my friends in my region were screaming at me and shouting my name, and I just felt so amazing. I had to wait a good three minutes before I could speak because everyone was so excited and happy for me.”

Cornell ZBT is in hot water: The future scholars of Cornell’s chapter of ZBT, a historically Jewish fraternity, have been put on probation after allegations surfaced relating to something called a “pig roast”—a contest to see which brother could sleep with the heaviest woman. Whew boy.