Try as you might, you just cannot keep these Jews out of the news!

Pick your Cohn adventure: “But why do you have to go,?” said Kellyanne, tears in her eyes. “You’ve done so much to help our small town.” Gary adjusted the brim of his hat and spat, and then took one last look at the White House before he mounted his horse. “I’ve got to move on now,” he whispered. “A man’s got to have principles.” With that, Cowboy Gary Cohn rode off into the sunset.

This week in appropriated yellow stars: Some Montreal residents are very upset about all of the school busses that pass through their neighborhood, all of which carry the local Hasidic students to their place of learning. In protest, the aggrieved residents wore yellow pieces of fabric to a borough council meeting this past week. The ringleader doubled down when she was asked about it, too. “Should we change the colour of school buses now because it reminds (Jews) of their past?” she said. “What about the yellow street markers on the roads? If we wore a yellow hat, would that be better?”

Jewish Disneyland is coming: The company that designed Disneyland’s Magic Kingdom is in the process of creating a “Park of Wonders” in Dimona. The park will be broken up into five worlds: Oasis, World of Spirits, World of the Jewish Nation, World of Society and the World of Time. Never in my life have I felt so certain that God’s will is being enacted on Earth.

“Poor Jews” ice cream: It’s Russian, it’s wrapped in an Israeli flag, and it’s prune and chocolate flavored, which is honestly the most offensive thing about it. From JTA:

“In a social media post announcing the ice cream’s launch on February 28 the company describes it as a “crusty horn” filled with chocolate- and prune-flavored ice cream and topped with peanuts.

“Trying all this tastiness, it turns out that he is not so ‘poor,’” the post asserts.

Kirchner, others to face trial for alleged AMIA cover-up: Hey, actual good news! Former President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner is one of 12 former government officials in Argentina who will, for the first time, face questioning regarding their alleged involvement in covering up their role in facilitating the 1994 bombing of the Buenos Aires Jewish center.