Ask Unorthodox: Shul Uniforms
A foreigner asks what to wear to synagogue stateside
Unorthodox, the world’s leading Jewish podcast, takes questions from its listeners about all aspects of Jewish life, from the religiously profound to the utterly inconsequential. Every week, we discuss one of these questions in “Ask Unorthodox.” If you have a question, please send it to [email protected].
“What’s the dress code for men at a Reform synagogue in the United States?” one of our listeners, Edo, asked the Facebook group. “I’m attending a bar mitzvah this weekend … Is a suit and tie with a blue shirt good, or should the shirt be white? Are any pants less fancy than suit pants acceptable?”
Of all the sources of JewBarrassment, to use Archie Gottesman’s wonderfully useful term, being dressed wrong at synagogue may be one of the most common. It’s likely that overdressing is more common than underdressing, as gentiles accustomed to the formality of, say, a First Communion may find themselves wearing suit and tie to one of the many sartorially laid back Jewish congregations in the land. But underdressing happens, too. Fortunately, the Unorthodox podcast team is here to save you from both.
By “team,” we include podcast listeners, and in their helpfulness they were … no help at all! Answers abounded, all of them well-meaning, but many of them contradictory. When one correspondent answers, firmly, “Suit and tie,” while another writes, “If it’s in Colorado, anything goes,” what’s a Jew to do? What if it’s in, say, Nevada? Is that Colorado enough to be casual? We think that the listener who wrote, “Powder blue tuxedo or stay home” was kidding—but we kind of like to think that he wasn’t.
There are a few issues here. First, Reform. As some pointed out, in old classical Reform temples, the dress was formal and the Jewish garb—yarmulke, tallis—were often prohibited. Yes, you read right: In their desire to modernize, Reform congregations would require that people eschew signs of tradition like the head covering and prayer shawl. Today, that rarely happens. So go yarmulke if that’s your style, but in Reform sanctuaries, it is usually optional.
Second, it’s a bar mitzvah. So, yes, be a bit more formal. Maybe nice slacks, a blazer, a dress shirt, and a tie. If the vibe is casual when you get there, ace the tie.
Finally, mazel tov to you, Edo, for taking seriously the question of shirting. Too many men these days think that a golf shirt is fine shul-wear, so long as it’s their nice golf shirt. The one with a sheen, or with four buttons on the placket.
Unorthodox is a smart, fresh, fun weekly take on Jewish news and culture hosted by Mark Oppenheimer, Stephanie Butnick, and Liel Leibovitz. You can listen to individual episodes here or subscribe on iTunes.
- UnorthodoxIn Every GenerationEp. 409: A special Passover episode on the importance of memoryApril 18, 2024
- UnorthodoxLet All Who Are HungryAddressing food insecurity in the lead-up to PassoverApril 15, 2024
- UnorthodoxPopping UpCaroline D’Amore on standing up for Jews; a wounded IDF soldier’s unexpected story; plus cocktails for each of the Ten PlaguesApril 11, 2024
- UnorthodoxJoin the ClubStories from Israel featuring former first lady Lihi Lapid and hostage advocate Jon Polin; plus a new membership opportunity April 4, 2024
- UnorthodoxShaken, Not SchnorredEp. 405: Interviews with Brett Gelman, Zibby Owens, and The Sporkful’s Dan Pashman, plus news of a Jewish James BondMarch 28, 2024
- UnorthodoxA Beautifully Jewish ShabbatEp. 404: Dishing on the day of rest with cookbook author Adeena Sussman and Judaica designer Micaela Ezra; plus a taste of Tablet’s new parsha podcastMarch 21, 2024
- UnorthodoxIrrefutably JewishEp. 403: Phil Rosenthal on writing a children’s book with his daughter Lily; a classical Jewish school in New York City; Oscar meshugas; and moreMarch 14, 2024
- UnorthodoxSpiritual Swear JarEp. 402: Eylon Levy on crafting Israel’s message; Andrew Goldberg on Armenia; plus Joshua Malina, pickleball icon March 7, 2024
- UnorthodoxWe Can HelpEp. 401: AJC CEO Ted Deutch on antisemitism in America, a visit to a Brooklyn school welcoming Ukrainian refugees, our new favorite children’s book, and a visit from Kosha DillzFebruary 22, 2024
- UnorthodoxKosher FiestaEp. 400: Dr. Phil on his new TV network; plus a look at how Israel’s Maaleh Film School is pivoting post-Oct. 7; and a listener question about tablewareFebruary 15, 2024
- UnorthodoxSlam DunkEp. 399: NBA All-Star Allan Houston’s new faith initiative, and revisiting the Michael Milken trialFebruary 8, 2024
- UnorthodoxHigher GroundEp. 398: Jewish actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler on 25 years since ‘The Sopranos,’ plus a visit to try Israel’s best hummus dishFebruary 1, 2024
- UnorthodoxThings RememberedEp. 397: Uncovering a tale of complicity and justice, sonic studies, and a little red dress for International Holocaust Remembrance Day January 25, 2024
- Unorthodox100 DaysEp. 396: Marking a grim milestone since the Oct. 7 Hamas massacre and honoring the hostages still held in GazaJanuary 18, 2024
- UnorthodoxFirst DraftsEp. 395: Kicking off 2024 with comedian Moshe KasherJanuary 11, 2024
- UnorthodoxHeading NorthEp. 394: A visit to Jewish Montreal; Gadi Taub on ‘Israel Update’; getting Kafkaesque at the National Library of IsraelDecember 28, 2023
- UnorthodoxUnorthodox in IsraelStories recorded on the ground from a country mourning, healing, and coming togetherDecember 18, 2023
- UnorthodoxMidnight OilEp. 393: Nine stories for HanukkahDecember 14, 2023