A Place at the Table

I met Michal Gabay in the dimly lit lounge in the lower level of Gabriel Kreuther restaurant in midtown Manhattan. I slowly descended the stairs, feeling on edge about meeting the mother of Shani Gabay, a 25-year-old woman who was murdered in Israel on Oct. 7. As I walked toward the couch where she was seated, I was greeted by a beautiful woman beaming with both pride and pain.

Michal Gabay came to New York with her remaining two children, Aviel and Nitzan, to take part in a Sept. 23 dinner hosted by Asif, a nonprofit organization and culinary center in Tel Aviv dedicated to cultivating and nurturing Israel’s diverse food culture.

“Asif is a deep-content and research-oriented organization that has a very meaningful and ambitious goal: to promote Israeli culture,” said Chico Menashe, who took on the role of executive director just weeks before Oct. 7, 2023. “But it’s extremely difficult to do that during a war.”

Asif, which means “harvest” in Hebrew, is a joint venture of the New York City-based Jewish Food Society and Tel Aviv’s Startup Nation Central. The organization’s physical space is a magnificent cultural center in Tel Aviv, including an all-day cafe and curated food shop.

While Asif’s mission hasn’t changed since Oct. 7, the way it operates has. It went from celebrating Israeli food culture and organizing cooking classes and events for visitors (including tourists) before Oct. 7, to pivoting most of its initiatives to serve a heartbroken and grieving population in Israel. “We really were privileged to have an opportunity to immediately connect to the community’s needs, and address them in meaningful and very powerful ways,” said Menashe. One of the new projects Asif pivoted toward was A Place at the Table, a new program that aims to commemorate those who were murdered on Oct. 7 and in the war by sharing their stories and preserving their favorite recipes.

I learned that, like many other Nova festival attendees, Shani Gabay was beautiful, vivacious, and adventurous. She loved going to music festivals, and always had her hair and makeup done by her little sister Nitzan beforehand. Shani was working at the Nova festival, and once her shift ended at 5 a.m. on Oct. 7, she began to party with her friends—celebrating one of their birthdays.

I also learned Shani was resilient. She was born with a condition in her eye, and she even went blind at the age of 2. Eventually, doctors were able to help her regain her sight. “From then on, Shani wanted to really see the world, as open and exposed as possible,” said Michal.

Because of her condition, Aviel believes, Shani became strong and learned to deal with adversity. “She had no fear,” said Aviel. “She empowered others, and gave them hope. She’s always been a fighter and a survivor from childhood.” Shani had just finished studying law, but dreamed of living a quiet life, without any drama. In fact, her motto for life was “No time for drama.”

Shani was in the middle of her law internship when she was murdered. From my conversations with Shani’s family, I understood that she was a wise, old soul, even at such a young age. She embodied both seriousness and joyfulness. “She always used to say, ‘Life will never be a party if you don’t party without a reason to party,’” said Aviel. “And that’s how she lived her life. She probably traveled to more than 26 countries, even though she wasn’t yet 26. And she truly achieved every goal she set out to achieve.”

Shani grew up in Yokne’am, in the northern district of Israel, with her parents, older brother Aviel, and her younger sister Nitzan. “She had a passion for cooking, particularly a spicy fish dish, which became symbolic of her life,” said Aviel. At one point, she even worked with Haim Cohen, a famous Israeli chef. “She liked to make very special and unique types of food,” said Nitzan. “She loved to make things from scratch and was always cooking for her family and friends.”

Just before Shani died, during her internship, her mother would always cook her a homemade lunch. Michal worked hard to make sure the lunch was something Shani could take on the go, and enjoy. And on days when Michal couldn’t make her lunch, Shani would get upset, missing her mother’s cooking.

Israeli culture and food and hospitality are immensely intertwined with each other. Cooking, eating, serving, and hosting is at the core of what it means to be Israeli. Now, one year after the tragic events of Oct. 7, we hear from released hostages how much they craved the cooking of their families. “​​I think, in Israel, and perhaps in general, food is one of the most powerful common understandings that everyone has,” said Menashe. “We fight about everything, but food is one thing that brings us together. It’s unifying.”

A couple of months into the war, Naama Shefi, founder of Asif and The Jewish Food Society, had an inclination that the organization should explore whether there was a need among families affected by Oct. 7 to preserve and share their loved ones’ stories around food and family recipes. Menashe, boldly, went to a close friend of his who lost his daughter on Oct. 7, and asked if documenting her favorite recipe would be meaningful for them. His friend immediately and enthusiastically said yes.

“We hear from families a very clear message: ‘We want to commemorate their memory in every way we can, as much as we can,’” said Menashe. And so Asif created A Place at the Table, where they help families of those who were murdered on Oct. 7 recreate, document, and share their stories and favorite recipes in written and video format.

As of now, around 20 recipes have been documented, and they’re hoping to continue with as many families who are willing to share.

Many other efforts to memorialize and preserve the favorite foods of both hostages and those who were killed on Oct. 7 are underway in Israel: a recipe book including 75 beloved recipes of those being held hostage in Gaza, a cafe outpost being created to employ displaced members of southern communities, and many more.

On Oct. 6, 2023, Shani was planning to miss her family’s Shabbat dinner, instead thinking of driving with friends to Netivot, a city in southern Israel near the Nova festival. “I was very annoyed with her,” said Nitzan. “I said, ‘How can you skip our dinner? Mom made your special dish, spicy fish.’” Shani ended up staying home for Shabbat dinner that evening, eating and enjoying her final favorite dish with her family.

“The theme of that Shabbat dinner was laughter,” said Nitzan. “I can’t describe why, but the entire evening, we were laughing, despite having a fight just a few days earlier.” After laughing all through dinner, Nitzan did Shani’s hair and makeup, in preparation for the Nova festival, and Shani was off.

Just after Shani’s shift at the Nova festival was over, she joined her friends to let loose and party. When the attack began, Shani managed to escape the gunfire and rockets from terrorists for nearly three hours. Later that morning, after seeking shelter with 17 other festivalgoers, Shani sought safety in an abandoned ambulance when Hamas terrorists fired an RPG missile at them, killing all inside. Initially, for seven weeks, Shani was assumed to be a hostage, before they ultimately confirmed her death.

After Shani died, Michal stopped cooking completely. “All of our family comes to our house every Friday night because that’s what Shani would have liked,” said Michal. “But I can’t cook because I always think about what I used to cook for her. I always feel like something’s missing.”

When Asif reached out to Michal to take part in A Place at the Table, it was the first time she cooked the spicy fish dish since Shani died. In fact, it was the first time that she cooked at all.

“It’s not a coincidence that spicy fish was Shani’s favorite dish, and the one we chose to include [in A Place at the Table],” said Aviel. “Her life was spicy. She was energetic. Her friends called her pilpel (which means pepper in Hebrew). The dish reflects some of the qualities that she had herself.”

As Shani’s family learned more about the initiative, they felt a strong connection to the mission. “Right away, I knew there was one specific dish that Shani would want us to make,” said Aviel.

“It’s very difficult for people to go into the kitchen when they’ve lost their loved one,” said Nitzan. “There’s so much emotion that goes into food … not only the process of making the food, but also eating it. And with every bite that you take, it helps commemorate and helps connect to deep feelings and memories. Food is emotion.”

“Through food and taste, we’re able to revive memories of Shani,” said Aviel. “More than just looking at a picture, or listening to a sound, you actually feel exactly how they experienced food and tasted it, and it gives you an entire different way of remembering someone who died.

“Having this initiative [A Place at the Table] really allows others to feel and sense the people that perished on Oct. 7 through a much more impactful way,” he continued. “More so than the horrific videos we’ve seen, this allows people to sense the actual tastes of each individual who was loved, and died.”

This past year, the Asif team traveled to Michal’s home in Yokne’am to document Shani’s favorite recipe, and through that, learn more about the person she was. Michal said that for the first time since Shani died, she felt like she was cooking for her again. The process, while challenging, was very special. That video, and recipe, lives on Asif’s website and social media channels.

As I sat across from Shani’s family in New York on Sept. 23, I noticed that they were all wearing matching white T-shirts with the words “Team Gabay” on them. Michal showed me matching tattoos that she and Nitzan had on their forearms—an image of Shani beaming with joy. While they’re eager to commemorate and celebrate Shani’s life in any and every way possible, they were extremely drawn to doing so through food.

We were finishing up our conversation, in time for them to prepare for the dinner Asif was hosting at Gabriel Kreuther, honoring the work of A Place at the Table. They were proud, they told me, to travel all the way to New York to take part in this effort to memorialize Shani, and others who were killed on Oct. 7, by bringing life to their recipes.

In the private dining room of his namesake restaurant, chef Gabriel Kreuther—along with Asif and Eben Dorros (the restaurant’s owner)—hosted friends, supporters, and press for an elegant meal honoring those who were killed on Oct. 7, and the recipes they loved and left behind. Over four courses, Kreuther prepared the favorite dishes of four people who were killed, including Shani Gabay’s favorite: spicy fish. “It’s heartwarming,” said Kreuther, “to be able to put together these recipes for the first time, and discover the people behind those recipes … Hearing stories about them, and remembering them.”

“For me, what food does is it brings up these emotions, whether they’re from childhood or later, that people never forget,” said Dorros. “For us to be able to support this project is an honor, and we hope to bring life to these dishes for the people that were lost.”

After chef Gabriel served the main course—his version of Shani’s spicy fish—I turned to Aviel and smiled. I asked him what Shani would have thought of the dinner. “She would have loved this,” he said. “Shani loved fancy restaurants, good food, and having everyone together, so I really feel this was meant to be.” How does it feel, I asked him, to have strangers tasting her favorite dish, all the way across the world. “Hopefully some of them learn more about Shani, fall in love with her through her favorite dish, and maybe even make it for others in honor of her.”

I joked that in some other cultures, including in America, we would more often remember a favorite restaurant, or takeout spot in honor of a loved one who died, and that this initiative is a true testament to how deep food and culture are interwoven in Israel.

“When you taste food that someone made, and loved, you really feel a different connection to them,” said Aviel. “And it makes me feel very connected to our culture, where even though everyone has a different background in Israel, food is something that unites us all. And hopefully tonight, through this dinner, we can all connect with Shani.”