Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on February 24, 2014 in New York. (Andy Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
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How Jeb Bush Stole Hanukkah

Former Florida governor announces possible 2016 presidential run

by
Stephanie Butnick
December 17, 2014
Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on February 24, 2014 in New York. (Andy Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

‘Twas Erev Hanukkah, and I sat on my tush

Not expecting to hear from—of all creatures—Jeb Bush.

The former Florida governor wanted to show he was with it, of a cool age,

So he typed away on his Facebook page.

He’d like to be the next leader of this country, he wrote, this was the case,

Or, rather: “I have decided to actively explore the possibility of running for President of the United States.”

“Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!” he’d begun; he knew what day it was, of course,

As for the rest of his message, talk about a Trojan horse.

But why would he do it, steal Hanukkah’s thunder?

It was cold and it was calculating, and it really makes you wonder.

Maybe he hoped his name would come up when you lit the menorah,

Instead of Jewish fraternity member Rick Santorum.

And he heard his old pal Ted Cruz had been wooing the Jews

You know what they say, Jeb, if you don’t shmooze you lose.

He’s not dumb, he knew the Republican field would get hectic.

But on all that climate change stuff? He’s a skeptic.

Perhaps he thought his post would go viral and last not one day but eight,

Or that he’d remind you of his own Maccabean clan—his fate.

Whatever his reason, ’tis definitely not the season,

We’re not even through Knesset elections! I literally can’t even.

Stephanie Butnick is deputy editor of Tablet Magazine and a host of the Unorthodox podcast.

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