Are you an observant Jewish man? Have you recently become aware of a growing yarmulke-shaped bald patch on the back of your head where your hair used to be, forming what can only be termed as a specifically rabbinical form of tonsure? Or are you just afraid of anyone seeing the visible evidence of your reverence for Hashem in public? Well, you’re in luck, gentleman, because at long last, the hair yarmulke is here.
Developed by an Israeli barber to cleverly camouflage once-conspicuous yarmulkes from the roving anti-Semites popular these days across Europe (yikes) and therefore protect their wearers from beatings and other atrocities (double yikes), this “magic” yarmulke can be easily clipped into place, blending in naturally with one’s real hair. It’s sort of a toupee for something that’s already a form of toupee, like one of those pictures within a picture within a picture that go on forever and eventually drive you insane. Take that, Jew haters! We’ve outsmarted you again.
Necessity, it’s said, is the mother of invention, and I’m as disturbed as anyone that we’re living in the world where anyone could even think such a necessity exists. But I’m even more disturbed by what this means for our bald brothers, who have no natural hair for their yarmulke cozy to safely co-mingle in. Should they be left defenseless? Or will they, as our people have done from time immemorial, come up with a clever solution that might make them look foolish but will ultimately save their lives? When we see a bunch of men walking around in luxurious human-hair sheitels, I guess we’ll know the answer. Until then, all hail the humble baseball cap, savior of the Jews.