The good folks at Jalopnik, a Gawker website that focuses on car stuff, have somehow come across a Craigslist ad for a brownish 1981 Corvette that’s covered in swastikas. The asking price from a seller in New Waterford, Ohio? $45,000. “That’s only $10,000 less than a brand-new 2016 Corvette,” notes Jalopnik’s Jason Torchinsky. “And, for many buyers, $10,000 is a bargain for a full swastika-delete package.”
Here’s the rub: in the ad, which has been delisted, the seller, oddly enough, did not happen to take issues with the umpteen swastikas covering the ‘Vette, instead deciding, they’re well, an aesthetic. The ad reads: “81 vette new motor and trans never fired up two carbs tunnel ram and hood scoops. biker project swastika motorcycle theme. tall rear spoiler.”
Quite frankly, Torchinsky does a fine job in lambasting the eventual buyer (’cause, I mean, look at these photos!):
If you had this car, and somehow managed to save a busload of orphans on your way home from your job where you’ve just cracked the solution to nuclear fusion, a byproduct of which is the first effective and viable cancer drug, the manufacture of which produces a runoff that destroys ISIS terrorist cells, everyone would still refer to you as “that dipshit who drives the Nazi Corvette.”
He’s right. This car is gross, never the mind fecal-toned paint job and wheels that would make even Marlo Stanfield run in horror.
But the real questions—one that the seller failed to detail, showing a clear misunderstanding of the ride’s target market—arise because of the lack of description about the functionality and interior of the whip. Like, does the stick shift move in the shape of a swastika, and, if so, is there training for that type of gear shifting? Is the ball of said stick shift custom-made, perhaps with a pool ball with a little mustache on it? And how about the interior—is it black, white, red, and brown? Does the horn play “Deutschlandlied“?
If so, then you’d truly be riding in style.
Jonathan Zalman is a writer and teacher based in Brooklyn.