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This Christmas, Whoopi Goldberg Invites You to Spend $139 on a Hanukkah Sweater

Because who needs bubbe when you’ve got Whoopi?

Jonathan Zalman
November 01, 2016

Whoopi Goldberg, who ruled in Sister Act, is apparently hawking sweaters these days, as celebrities do. Turns out, she’s into Christmas sweaters, or “ugly” holidays sweaters, as they have so affectionately been named, and has decided to lend her brand to another brand, which happens in a society with an appetite for attention and money.

And we will wear these sweaters, Jews and Christians and hispters and fashionistas alike, sometimes ironically, sometimes by mistake, sometimes on purpose, and then we will post pictures of the special moments we enjoy in our sweaters on Instagram, like when we spill that dastardly latke oil on the threads that cover our sternums, and share them with friends and family and people we don’t know but appreciate nonetheless because they are our “followers,” which in turn makes us feel better about our sartorial choices, and thus our life decisions, and therefore ourselves, all because of Whoopi Goldberg.

So yes, by all means, spend that $130 plus tax on a sweater at Lord & Taylor with an octupus menorah on it and be the life of the party. #YoloHanukkah.

Jonathan Zalman is a writer and teacher based in Brooklyn.

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