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This Holiday Season, Why Not Wear a ‘Yamaclaus’?

Wait, what? No, don’t, thanks.

Jonathan Zalman
November 30, 2016
Modern Tribe
Modern Tribe
Modern Tribe
Modern Tribe

Want to celebrate Hanukkah AND Christmas? That’s fine by me: Who am I to judge how you choose to live out your innocuous religious and/or cultural devotions? A little simultaneous menorah lighting and Christmas tree decorating never hurt anybody; neither has chocolate.

But I draw the line at the “Yamaclaus,” a supposedly half-yarmulke, half-Santa Claus covering that is available for your keppe at a sawbuck-and-a-half. (I must note, however, that the company that sells this item, Modern Tribe, does have some pretty cool stuff.) Goes the Yamaclaus product description:

Yamaclaus is exactly what you’d think – a Santa Claus-themed yarmukle!

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or the hybrid ‘Chrismukkah’, this comfy and fashionable one-size-fits-all headcap will bring joy and laughter to your holiday celebration. Yamaclaus is the perfect Chrismukkah gift, Festivus cop out, or simply a stylish way to keep the crown of your head warm. One size fits all, so your pious pets will love them too!

Maybe it’s the “one-size-fits-all” thing that gets me, like an extended metaphor for a product that is already trying to be too much to people. Or the fact that it resembles a big nipple. Just… no.

Then again, red and white do look great on my dog. But she’s an atheist.

Jonathan Zalman is a writer and teacher based in Brooklyn.