Turkish Scientist: Noah Had a Cell-Phone Aboard His Nuclear-Powered Ark

According to the Quran, Noah, safe aboard the ark, has a conversation with his son, a non-believer who has come to regret his folly now that the waves are getting higher and the end nearer. How, you may ask, might two men converse at a distance in the middle of a storm that has devastated all of civilization, more or less? The answer, says a Turkish academic, is obvious: Noah simply whipped out his cell phone and dialed his boy.

Speaking on Turkey’s state-run channel TRT1 earlier this week, Yavuz Örnek, a professor of Marine Sciences at Istanbul University, was adamant that the biblical hero had tech at hand.

“There were huge 300 to 400-meter high waves and [Noah’s] son was many kilometers away,” Örnek said. “The Quran says Noah spoke with his son. But how did they manage to communicate? Was it a miracle? It could be. But we believe he communicated with his son via cell phone.”

Naturally, not every vessel built circa 3000 BCE had very good service, which means, Örnek continued, that the ark was made of steel plates and powered by nuclear energy.

“I am a scientist,” Örnek said definitiely. “I speak for science.” And so, if he figured out cold fusion and cellular technology while his contemporaries enjoyed stoning each other to death, did Noah.