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Learn To Love Your Jewish Body

As teenage girls wrestle with their body image, new programs look for solutions in Jewish tradition

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On a recent Sunday evening in Los Angeles, five eighth-grade girls lounged in armchairs or sat on the floor, talking with a rabbi about their bodies.

“When you’re looking in a mirror, what’s the number one thing that’s constantly running through your head?” asked Sara Brandes, the rabbi who facilitated the discussion.

“Fat,” one girl called out.

“Overweight,” said another.

Brandes handed out cards bearing body-image-related phrases and instructed the girls to choose one that they needed to hear, and one they would like to tell a friend. Michelle Greenberg, 13, chose this for herself: “Stop obsessing about your weight and appearance.” And for a friend: “Come to view your body as an instrument of your life, not as an ornament for others.”

The gathering was part of Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing!, a national network of informal groups that meet monthly to parse the trials of teen life and search for solutions in Jewish sources. Brandes is West Coast regional director of Moving Traditions, the Pennsylvania-based organization that runs this initiative, founded at Kolot: Center for Jewish Women’s and Gender Studies at the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College in 2002. Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing! was one of the first Jewish programs created to combat poor body image and low self-esteem among middle-school and high-school girls.

This year, a spate of other Jewish efforts has sprung up to address similar concerns for Jewish teenagers in classrooms, youth groups, and summer camps. The problem is urgent, educators say: Teen and pre-teen girls are suffering. And Judaism, they believe, just might have some answers.

***

Helping girls feel comfortable in their own skin is becoming a priority for Jewish educators, said Shira D. Epstein, assistant professor in the William Davidson Graduate School of Jewish Education at the Jewish Theological Seminary of America. “There has been a big push not to compartmentalize body image and related issues and to put them in more of a holistic framework,” said Epstein, co-developer of the 2007 guidebook Evaded Issues in Jewish Education: A Resource Guide for Jewish Educators, distributed through the women’s studies nonprofit Ma’yan. When educators acknowledge teenagers’ most pressing concerns, she said, it’s a chance to make Jewish lessons relatable to their lives.

Alisha Pedowitz launched Embracing Wholiness this winter and plans to meet with kids ages 13 to 18 in L.A. schools and summer camps to teach them to see themselves in a positive light. When Pedowitz asked girls during pilot workshops what “perfection” connotes, they told her what social cues have taught them: They should be “thin,” “pretty,” and get straight A’s. When she asked them to describe “wholeness,” however, they suggested adjectives like “healthy,” “strong,” and “complete.” Jaws dropped when she explained that perfection and completion—or wholeness—share the same word in Hebrew: shleimut. “It’s a real ‘a-ha’ moment,” said Pedowitz. “But how do we then flip on its head what perfection means to us, to reflect the idea of shleimut?” In other words, can girls learn to see that strength, health, and inner beauty are what make them perfect?

Redefining perfection can be tricky since societal expectations of women run deep, said Jill Zimmerman Rutledge, author of Dealing With the Stuff That Makes Life Tough: 10 Things That Stress Girls Out and How To Cope With Them. “Girls are more sensitized to the idea that beauty equals power,” she said, “and that she must be attractive above all else.”

Those messages are reaching girls younger and younger, mental-health professionals say. Eighty-one percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. Over half of teenage girls skip meals, smoke cigarettes, vomit, or take laxatives to lose weight.

Where does this body insecurity come from? Low self-esteem, said Zimmerman Rutledge: “If a girl doesn’t feel confident or good about herself, her body could become the focus of that. She might have degrading thoughts about herself all the time: ‘I’m not attractive enough. I’m fat. If only I could lose ten pounds, boys will like me.’ ” Daily insults hurled at the mirror can quietly blossom into anorexia, bulimia, self-harm, or even suicidal thoughts.

Stress and angst were in ample supply among the eighth-graders at the L.A. session of Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing! The girls talked about who hooked up with whom last week. Arguments with their parents. Acquaintances who have been hospitalized for cutting because of pressure at school. And college, college, college.

In some ways, being Jewish doesn’t ease the girls’ stress: “We are a highly driven people, and sometimes that comes with high pressure for achievement,” said Brandes. And when it comes to body image and food in particular, Jews are saddled with special baggage. “There are cultural norms in our community that make us particularly susceptible to eating disorders,” Brandes added. “We give great attention to food and how we eat it.” And beyond the drive for thinness, Jewish girls grapple with a slew of appearance-related complaints about everything from hard-to-tame curly hair to assertive noses.

The new programs draw from Jewish texts and ideas to tackle a range of woes that gnaw away at girls’ self-confidence. It’s OK to have that hair, to wear jeans larger than a size 2, and to exercise to stay healthy—not expressly to get thin. If girls learn to respect the bodies they’re born with, organizers say, they will seek that respect from others as they grow up.

At a summer pilot program for Embracing Wholiness a few years ago at Camp Alonim, housed at American Jewish University’s Brandeis-Bardin campus in Simi Valley, Calif., Pedowitz had a group of 13- and 14-year-olds look at Deuteronomy 6:5, a line that appears in the Shema and in mezuzot: “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Pedowitz said, “If we have all these reminders that we should love God, and if we’re in the image of God, we should be reflecting that same love back at ourselves.”

Eden Village Camp, an independent, pluralistic Jewish camp in Putnam Valley, N.Y., instituted a “no body talk” rule in 2010 that discourages campers from mentioning physical appearances. That includes negative comments (“Ugh, my hands are so big”) and positive ones (“You’re having such a good hair day!”). “It makes a big difference when, instead of their appearances, people focus on the value of their interests and what they’re passionate about,” said Eden Village Co-Director Vivian Lehrer Stadlin.

The unusual guideline is based on the Jewish principle of shmirat halashon, or “guarding the tongue” from harmful energy. It represents a 180-degree turn from a pervasive, body-conscious culture among pre-teen and teenage girls who wax, tan, and de-frizz their hair for their yearly stay in the great outdoors. “ ‘No body talk’ opened me up to so many things that I’d never thought of,” said Emma Listokin, 12, who has attended Eden Village for the past three summers. “At school, everyone’s like, ‘I love that shirt,’ ‘I hate that shirt.’ At camp I’m only viewed for who I am and not what I look like. I used to be pretty insecure about my body, but I think this made me a much stronger person. Now I feel like I’m lucky to have the body I have.”

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marjorie says:

Great article. But it saddens me that the only fitness program mentioned is called “Confident and Lean @ 13,” which actually contradicts the point of the story! Girls should feel they can be fit and strong and beautiful without the pressure to be thin. The evidence is pretty clear that 90-95% of people who lose weight regain it in 5+ years, and that yo-yo dieting is very damaging to health — particularly for growing kids. It makes much more sense to encourage girls, as the rest of the experts quoted in the piece do, to love their bodies as they are, and to encourage movement for its own sake (rather than as the key to “lean”). It’s a bummer that so much fitness messaging these days is “anti-obesity” rather than “pro-strength” — leave thin/fat talk out of it entirely and make movement something everyone can enjoy without shame and you’ll get a lot more kids moving — and in a non-exercise-bulimic, non-shaming way. (And of course, as the other experts say in this excellent piece, we should be sure we’re encouraging girls to focus on the whole self rather than just the external.)

What about the boys? What about some media literacy?
Wouldn’t programs telling boys that a person’s value is not only in their appearance be useful to them and to the girls they interact with?
Girls’ behaviour is tied to the comments and behaviour of boys whom they want to please or attract and boys who are raised without awareness of the problem of female objectification will just absorb the pervasive, mainstream culture on this. They too need to know that this is not what Judaism teaches for two reasons. First so young men stop judging women by their appearance alone, which they face enormous pressure to do ( and which they need help fighting against) and second so that they do not feel judged by their own appearance, which is also a big pressure for teen boys. Both genders need education on how media and advertising push us to objectify people, primarily women, but also men and how this is against Jewish values.

disqus_KQjDXcgsQ6 says:

In Washington DC we are piloting a program called Bodies of Water that introduces Mikvah as a tool for positive body image to girls ages 10+. check out http://www.bodies-of-water.org

Plumbline says:

1 Peter 3:3-5………..

3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

tzfatisha says:

what about teaching girls about how their bodies really work by telling
them about fertility awareness… check out my website
http://www.jewishfertilityawareness.com this could help them if not feel more
in control, at least help them understand the processes their bodies are
going thru

Alisha Pedowitz says:

Totally agreed! Though this article was specific to teen girls, Embracing Wholiness is actually not geared only to girls–some topics are handling with boys and girls separately, and some all together. Embracing Wholiness is actually not specifically about body image (though, as the article highlighted, it is clearly an issue addressed)–my approach is to work with teens within their day to day communities, to empower
them to take charge of those communities, think critically about the
values they would like to experience as central to those communities,
examine the obstacles to integrating those values, and help them develop the tools to create a community that supports a whole, healthy sense of self. And, media literacy is a huge component of what we examine. Through Embracing Wholiness, I work as a consultant with various communities to figure out how to achieve the goals I mentioned above in a way specific to their community. –Alisha Pedowitz, Embracing Wholiness.

Yes and Yes! Media literacy is a key feature of Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing and we could not agree more that Jewish teen boys likewise need supportive spaces to wrestle with what it means to be a Jewish man today. Check out my Moving Traditions colleague, Rabbi Daniel Brenner discussing our cutting-edge boys program, “Shevet Achim: The Brotherhood at http://www.njjewishnews.com/article/7305/boys-to-men-a-thanksgiving-lesson-via-esau#.US5ZKqXsFAs.

Rabbi Shnorra says:

There’s nothing wrong with a fat Jewish bum, it’s actually very erotic -it’s just when the rest of the body fats-out and you turn into a GROBBA!

I am not Jewish but I love reading the Tablet. Your religion and culture can guide anyone towards a more fruitful and satisfying life.

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Learn To Love Your Jewish Body

As teenage girls wrestle with their body image, new programs look for solutions in Jewish tradition