“The Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) on Tuesday harshly criticized Farouk Qaddoumi, secretary-general of Fatah, for accusing President Mahmoud Abbas of involvement in the alleged poisoning of Yasser Arafat…. [Qaddoumi] said that the minutes of a joint Palestinian-Israeli-American meeting held in early March 2004 proved that [Abbas and Fatah strongman Mohammed Dahlan] were involved in the poisoning of Arafat and the assassination of Hamas leader Abdul Al-Rantisi.” —Arab News, today
Setting: A secret chamber in Ramallah, March 1, 2004
Mahmoud Abbas: Hi everyone, glad you could make it to our second International Conspiracy Steering Committee meeting! Let’s get down to business. How are we going to assassinate Yasser Arafat? Yes, Arik?
Ariel Sharon: I’m still thinking radioactive needle shot by a sniper. Nu?
U.S. diplomat William Burns: I like where you’re going with this, prime minister, but mightn’t it be easier just to poison him the old-fashioned way?
Sharon: Sounds lame. But, all right, as long as we kill a number of other Hamas and Islamic Jihad leaders while we’re at it.
Fatah leader Mohammed Dahlan: Even if we only get one or two, it’s Arafat who really counts.
Israel Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz: If we poison him right, I bet French doctors and the international press will think Arafat died of a brain hemorrhage.
Burns: Heh heh heh.
Abbas: Sounds like a plan, boys. On to the next order of business. How are we going to make the global economy collapse in five years?
Qaddoumi Drops a Bombshell [Arab News]
A transcript of Qaddoumi’s minutes: New Details on the Alleged Plot to Kill Arafat [The Faster Times]
Related: Palestinian Authority Suspends Al-Jazeera in West Bank [The Guardian]