The Dutch team celebrates. Go Orange!(Thomas Coex/AFP/Getty Images)

There are eight teams left in the World Cup Finals. Which should be Tablet Magazine’s official team, since Tablet Magazine’s original official team was defeated Saturday? Let’s have a look at the nominees:

Uruguay. Harbored Nazis after the war.

Ghana. They (in soccer, a side are described with plural verbs) defeated Tablet Magazine’s official team, so by a certain logic they now claim that mantle. Plus, they have John Pantsil, who in the last World Cup waved an Israeli flag after scoring a goal, in honor of his then-team, Hapoel Tel Aviv.

Argentina. Harbored Nazis.

Paraguay. Harbored Nazis. Harbors Hamas.

Netherlands. Compared to most other Western European countries (ahem, France?), they resented Nazi persecution and slaughter of their Jews. Plus, Anne Frank lived there!

Germany. I mean.


Brazil. You can’t root for Brazil: That’s like rooting for the Yankees or the Lakers! Plus, they harbored Nazis.

For now, Tablet Magazine is officially supporting the Netherlands, which is playing Brazil, and Ghana, which is playing Uruguay, both on Friday. We’ll revisit the matter after the quarter-finals. Happy watching!

Earlier: U.S.A.! U.S.A.!