Amar’e Stoudemire as King Solomon 2011.(@Amareisreal)

“As the Children of Israel (Jacob) we must separate ourselves from anything pagan. #BlessedBeTheCreator #YHWH #GodBody,” New York Knick power forward Amar’e Stoudemire posted on Instagram yesterday, alongside a malicious-looking pumpkin with an ominous strikethrough.

Come on, Stat. First you buy an Israeli basketball team, apply for Israeli citizenship, and tell everyone much you love Passover, making the rest of us look bad. Now you tell us we can’t celebrate Halloween because of its pagan roots? What gives, Amar’e?

You used to love Halloween! Remember when you dressed up as Solomon, complete with Tevas? (Tevas! that’s commitment.) It was Halloween 2011, and everything was so much simpler then. You wore a funny beard and wig and a gold lame robe, and proudly posted a picture on Twitter (it was 2011, so you were using yfrog, LOL). You remember, don’t you? Please say you remember.

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Stoudemire Bids on Israeli Basketball Team
Amar’e Stoudemire Is Solomon for Halloween