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Amazon Prime Day Is Here Again, and So’s a New Batch of Delightfully Useless Jewish Tchotchkes to Buy

Get ready to play ‘Cholent, the Game!’ as you eat Star of David-shaped pasta

Elazar Abrahams
July 16, 2018

This afternoon marks the start of one of America’s favorite holidays. No, it’s not about honoring veterans or commemorating an important historical figure. It’s about capitalism! Amazon is hosting its fourth annual Prime Day, an event for their membership-subscribed users to get discounts on thousands of items. Just like last year, we’re bringing you some of the finest Jewish-themed things you can find on Amazon. You never know: One of them may go on sale in a few hours…

Searching for the next great book-club read? Check out Fifty Shades of Oy Vey. Intended for readers mature in age but immature at heart, the parody tale of kinky ketubahs is sure to delight. Before that, brush up on your filthy terminology with Dirty Yiddish, a guide to explicit phrases that will no doubt come in handy. Beyde zenen bilik!

If you have a canine companion, the (fictional) rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary have graced us with a guide entitled How to Raise a Jewish Dog. After following those instructions, your pet will be ready for their gefilte fish toy.

For those looking to spruce up their college dorm, Amazon has got you covered. Pin up this Nice Jewish Guys Wall Calendar with a new “hot mensch” each month. Your meals can show off your Semitic pride when you cook Star of David Pasta. If you find yourself homesick, light up a ‘Jewish Christmas’ scented candle, which the seller describes as smelling like “buttered popcorn and a movie at the local theater followed by an overindulgence of Chinese food with friends and family.”

In the toy department, Sam the Dancing Matzo Man, the officially licensed Streit’s mascot, is a big hit. A talking Bubbe doll is also on the market, spouting 12 phrases including “Don’t do that, I’ll plotz!”

Several Jewish-centered games stand out. ‘Schmear!’ bills itself as the “build-a-bagel card game.” The Cards Against Humanity creators’ latest product is ‘Secret Hitler,’ a fast-paced board game where players are divided into two teams of liberals and fascists. Only the fascists know who’s who, and their goal is to sow distrust among the group and keep their leader, Secret Hitler, from being unmasked. A lighter option is the essential ‘Cholent, the Game!’ in which you’re tasked with collecting the necessary ingredients to finish your recipe.

Dreidels are essentially the original fidget spinners, but actual dreidel fidget spinners are just $9 each. Of course, another important holiday item is also available: the Festivus pole from Seinfeld.

Chag sameach!

Elazar Abrahams is a former intern at Tablet, and will attend Yeshiva University after a gap year at Netiv Aryeh in Jerusalem.

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