Kobe Cited as Potential Future Jew

Former Tablet Magazine intern (and Dallas native) Jordan Hirsch sends news that, in the wake of the Amar’e Stoudemire phenomenon, a bookmaking Website has fixed odds to the likelihoods of 10 NBA stars’ converting to Judaism.

Dallas Maverick Dirk Nowitzki is pegged at +550 (in other words, if you bet $100 on him, and the German power forward proceeded to take a dunk in the mikvah, you would get $550 and your money back). Of the 10 stars, the most likely are Kevin Durant (+350) and Kobe Bryant (+375), though particularly in Durant’s case I have no idea why; the least likely are Nowitzki, Chris Paul (+550), and Dwyane Wade (+600), which makes more sense—Nowitzki is German, Wade seems fully self-actualized, and Paul won’t do anything unless LeBron tells him to.

A few more notes:

• The total likelihood of one of these players’ converting to Judaism is 100 percent, which should tell you something: Don’t bet actual money on this.

• Amar’e Stoudemire, who technically isn’t Jewish, should clearly be the most likely, and, depending on the odds, the only one actually worth putting money on.

• Ron Artest, who technically is insane, would be the only other NBA player I would put money on here, under the theory that he is capable of absolutely anything.

• J.J. Redick is the NBA player least likely to convert, because (I reflexively assume) Dukies don’t like Jews.

• The (albeit just-retired) NBA player whom I would most like to join the Tribe? SHEEEEEEEED.

Website: Chance of Mavericks’ Dirk Novitzski Converting to Judaism Is 15% [Dallas Morning News]
Earlier: Amar’e Stoudemire’s Excellent Adventure