Oh So Clueable, Ain’t He?

Donald John Trump is steamrolling to the Republican candidacy (while displaying products he doesn’t quite own as though they are the spoils of a local drug bust). Also, recently, an alleged plagiarism scandal in the crossword world has been playing out. Which got me wondering: How, historically, has Donald John Trump been written as a clue in crossword puzzles?

Here’s a telling sampling of clues about the would-be president:

Clues for TRUMP
— Tycoon Donald ___ (from The New York Times, 11/18/1992)

— Noted TV firer (from The Los Angeles Times, 7/30/2012)

— “You’re fired” utterer (from The Washington Post, 8/2/2006)

— Name on some hotels (Universal Crossword, 8/5/2015) (The Universal Crossword puzzle, it should be noted, is one of the syndicated puzzles in question in the scandal linked above.)

N.B. Other clues for TRUMP that do not identify Donald Trump, deal with bridge and playing cards and being the best, which, somehow, in this crazy American world of ours, makes complete sense.

Clues for DONALD
— Rival of Ben and Marco (from WSJ Daily, 11/27/2015)

— Ivana’s ex, with “the” (from The New York Times, 12/21/2015)

N.B. Other clues for DONALD that do not have to do with Donald Trump deal with author Donald Barthelme, Donald Sutherland, Mickey Mouse’s pal Donald Duck, and Donald Fagan of Steeley Dan, all of whom, I imagine, would in some world make entertaining runs at the White House.

Clues for DONALDTRUMP
— He said “Everything in life is luck” (The New York Times, anthologized)

— “The Apprentice” boss (Newsday, 9/17/2007)

— “The Art of the Deal” author (USA Today, 5/12/1999)

N.B: Because I know you’re wondering, here are the first few lines from chapter 1 of The Art of the Deal.

I don’t do it for the money. I’ve got enough, much more than I’ll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. That’s how I get my kicks.



Most people are surprised by the way I work. I play it very loose. I don’t carry a briefcase. I try not to schedule too many meetings. I leave my door open. You can’t be imaginative or entrepreneurial if you’ve got too much structure. I prefer to come to work each day and just see what develops.

Of course, much has changed since Trump was simply that blonde real estate guy who—didn’t he go bankrupt or something?—started firing people on TV. Now, of course, he may soon be our Commander-in-chief, America’s brand (and what a sour one it would be).

So, based upon his run at the Republican nomination, what crossword clues would accurately identify Donald J. Trump at the moment? Here’s a shot:

— 2016 presidential hopeful who turns debates into a sixth grade food fight by insulting his competitors and talking about the size of penis, believe me

— 2016 presidential hopeful whose middle name is a moniker for “toilet”

— 2016 presidential hopeful whose name is an anagram of DJ Loan Rump, D.T. (the D.T. stands for “Dirty Time”)

— 2016 presidential hopeful whose name is an anagram of DJ Prom Land UT (The U.T. stands for Utah)

— 2016 presidential hopeful whose name is an anagram of DJ Mupland Rot

— 2016 presidential whose last name is everywhere, quick, behind you!

— 2016 presidential hopeful who once called for “a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.”

Previous: Trump Watch [Tablet series]