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“Bibi? It’s Barack.”

President Obama and Prime Minister Netanyahu have a chat

Marc Tracy
January 12, 2012
Those two in September.(Aaron Showalter-Pool/Getty Images)

Those two in September.(Aaron Showalter-Pool/Getty Images)

“Today, as a part of their regular communication and cooperation on bilateral and regional issues, President Obama spoke with Prime Minister Netanyahu of Israel. They reviewed the recent meetings between Israeli and Palestinian negotiators in Amman and the President reaffirmed his commitment to the goal of a comprehensive and lasting peace in the region. The two leaders also discussed recent Iran-related developments, including the international community’s efforts to hold Iran accountable for its failures to meet its international obligations. The President reiterated his unshakable commitment to Israel’s security, and the President and the Prime Minister promised to stay in touch in the coming weeks on these and other issues of mutual concern.”—White House readout.

“Bibi? It’s Barack.”

“Hey, whassup? It’s been, like, forever. Did you see that crazy shit about the Iranian physicist getting offed?”

“Yeah, actually that’s what I was calling you about. I mean, I, uh, I don’t know if you were involved, or anything, but if you were, I mean, it would be nice to get a heads up about it, you know? Given the unshakable bond and deep friendship between our two countries.”

“Oh, totally. I mean, no, it wasn’t us, but yeah, I get you, I get you, man! We’d totally tell you if we were gonna pull anything that obvious.”

“I mean, because it just makes it harder for us to do some things in the Strait of Hormuz and—I know this is delicate, but—those negotiations in Turkey.”

“Oof. Yeah, man. You sure you wanna bring that crap up?”

“Sorry. But there are other things, as you know. And we had such a good week with the rescues at sea and the Times coverage—”

“Oh, the Times, man, I can’t even believe you read them any more after what they said about your wife and all.”

“Yeah, I know, we’ve got that covered. Anyway, I was just trying to say that, like, if you were gonna do anything more, you know, serious—”

“Like what do you mean? What’s more serious than offing several fuckers in daylight in Tehran?”

“ … ”

“Which isn’t something we did or anything, just asking.”

“Well, you know, anything military … ”

“OHHH. You were … I got it! Yeah I get you, yeah, I totally feel you. No, we aren’t even. Don’t worry about it.”

“OK, OK, cool. Thanks, Pr— Bibi. All right, well, that was it. I guess I’ll see you in March?”

“Totally, totally. Take it easy, dude.”

“OK. Bye.”

Marc Tracy is a staff writer at The New Republic, and was previously a staff writer at Tablet. He tweets @marcatracy.

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